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Repotting – The Leader as Gardener
My friend Dottie Deremo, the CEO of Hospice of Michigan, said to me on Friday, “Repotting is hard.” She was talking about how Jennifer and our kids and I were going through a big transition, removed from the garden of government service. Lover of metaphors, and loser of hearing, I asked quizzically, “Repotting?” “Repotting,” she repeated. “You’ve gotten pulled up and your roots are exposed to shock, but as you get repotted in new soil you’re going to grow in amazing ways.” I had heard her right. I love her metaphor.
Kent Lineback, a very smart friend, argues in Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader, a new book that’s fast-climbing the leadership lists – and in this brief article at Fortune’s website, that bosses just should not be friends with their people. To extend Dottie’s metaphor and one of Kent’s points: As boss, you’re the gardener, not a fellow plant. I differ with Kent in some ways, but that’s a full discussion for another day. On one point I sing full-throated from his musical score. He and his co-author Linda Hill argue that when you become friends with your reports, you may hesitate to prune their leaves or trim their branches, and you may delay or refuse to do what may be vital for the welfare of the garden; namely, uproot them from your team or organization.
My friend “Joe” is anguishing right now in just such a garden. His company has been acquired, and his team’s function is no longer necessary. He has succeeded in “repotting” three-quarters of his people in other places in and outside the company. But some he could not save and instead had to uproot last week. I don’t know if they were all “friends.” They were certainly much more friends than say most “Facebook friends,” as Joe deeply and actively cared about them as people. Perhaps he would say some were friends in the full sense of that word. But, as their manager, he had to pull them up from their roots. And he felt the shock with them. God bless his big heart.
I shared these thoughts with him: Joe, they are lucky to have such an empathetic boss, but remember, you are not the whole earth to them. You tend a garden. You have uprooted them with as much care as one could hope for and looked for plots of land where they might survive or thrive. I said one more thing to Joe, because I share Dottie’s view: although there is likely shock to the roots, re-potting may be just what they need. Their roots may be much better suited to some other environment where they will thrive. It may take a while to find the right soil and sunlight, but they may grow stronger and more fruitful somewhere else. I think a good boss never loses sight of their responsibility to make the garden yield, but the great boss is a friend to their people in the hardest times, acting with empathy and proactively trying to help them to repot, so that boss and employee can each:
Lead with their best self.
Dan, your deep roots in spirituality make me think of the often misunderstood sense of pruning as punishment that comes from Scripture. We are, in one story, told to cast off an offending limb, or pluck out an offending eye. But pruning is another matter. The gardener prunes not to punish, but to lovingly and tenderly increase fruitfulness, or in corporate parlance, to increase yield or efficiency. The effective gardener knows what’s not working, what’s sapping the plant’s energy and threatening its survival and yielding nothing good, and maybe turning toxic. Perhaps the best boss is one who can lead with the same compassion as a friend, and help the employee understand that (s)he will be more fruitful if (s)he can let go of behaviors that are ineffective and potentially toxic not only to others, but to self as well. Pruning is done not with a memo or a message, but with a dialogue that is more Socratic than autocratic.
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Dan, I read in today’s Free Press about the plans that you and Jennifer have for your family. Best of luck on all of it. Good luck on the book, to Jennifer on future episodes of Meet the Press, and I hope you can both find the best time of year to visit California. (Like right now!)
And speaking of spirutuality, your phrase “lover of metaphors and loser of hearing” sounds familiar to me. You didn’t borrow that line from my Unitarian hymnal, did you?
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Dan, thanks for the insightful words this morning. As being laid off myself back in 2009, the post resonated personally with me. At the time, I had a stay at home pregnant wife and young daughter to support and we were not in the mood to be “repotted”. But, after week of trying to figure out why, I/we dug deep, prayed tremendously, and lived by the old saying…
“When life hands you lemons, time to make lemonade”.
So, in the end, it all worked out, I found another position, and we moved on to a new chapter in life.
I like the “repotting” analogy.
Thanks again.
David
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John,
What a beautiful job extending the metaphor and seeing the spiritual connections. Somewhere in the Book is also “I am the vine, and you are the branches,” no? That notion is both humbling and at the same time full of hope. The present circumstances are not the full measure of it all.
Thanks for chiming in!
Dan
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My expereince as a potter/ gardner of people has been that a few plants are carniverous. Have you ever seen the play, or movie versions of “Little Shop of Horrors?” Yes there are beautiful green houses and fantastic gardens, but when you get a Little Shop of Horrors, it is hard to lead. The little horrors do their best to make you look like the problem. They grow to be big horrors. How to deal with the reduction of empathy in our world?
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Dan:
Well said this morning! A true leader may not be a friend in the true sense of the word, but to be credible as a leader they need to care deeply about their charges current and future careers. They can’t fake it and it must be reflected in actions, such as in how one helps those assess and plan for transition either up, laterally or out to another path in a human supporting manner. I think you and the gardner are right, with the right support system (earth) many can blossom much more in a different culture, different role, etc.
Thank you!
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Like a gardener, effective leaders practice tough empathy. Tough empathy means giving people what they need, which isn’t always what they want. It balances respect for the individual and the task at hand. Attending to both isn’t easy, particularly when people are in transition or economic times are challenging.
When leaders are able to grasp other people’s feelings and perspectives, they access a potent emotional guidance system that keeps what they say and do on track. Empathetic people are superb at recognizing and meeting the needs of clients, customers or subordinates. They seem approachable, wanting to hear what people truly have to say.
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Dan,
You always have the right words at the right time. I pray that you will continue to send us Reading for Leading when you leave. After reading your email I sit here with tears in my eyes as I write this. Michigan will never be the same. God bless you and your family.
Marti
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Dan,
I had to grow to understand your leadership message which has been very consistent since I became a part of the RFL family. Reading everyone else’s response week after week, sharing our personal stories and offering advice is the kind of network we need to bring to our communities (villages), which would help create a more successful community. Men have traditionally been deemed as the leaders of the village but women have proved that their leadership skllls are just if not more effective; Your wife is a great leader.
What your wife and you have done for this great state of Michigan, dealing with an economy after the Engler Administration had “Basterdized”, I applaud the both of you for thinking of our families first, not the corporate world first.
I needed to point out my opinion not trying to sound hostile or offend anyone, but to simply relate to your statement on how empathetic a boss can be. You and your wife will be missed but not forgotten. I look forward to our continued relationship through RFL. This way, I can continue to be reminded to, Lead with my best self.
Thomas K. Burke – Mentor
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A good friend, like a good manager, will tell you when some parts of your behavior need to be pruned. They’ll also provide you with nutrients and “air” (room to grow)… or so I believe!
Michigan’s loss is California’s gain.
Having been re-potted way too many times myself, and learned to try to establish new roots, my wish for you and your family is that you’ll flourish, because it’s a shock to be uprooted. Strong plants make it, as I believe you all will, as you re-establish roots with Jennifer’s parents.
I wish you well!
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Love it. It looks like you’ve found fertile new soil for yourselves. I’m happy for you for that.
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