Leading up - when you’re being micromanaged

Friends,

Last week I addressed RFL to the micro-manager that lurks within each of us. I offered some suggestions to help managers bring out their employees’ best through expecting good things, listening, and seeking win-win approaches. I promised I would write this week through the eyes of the frustrated person who feels micromanaged in their work. Is there anything they can do to lead their boss to a more productive approach?

I suggested last week, that managers should not kid themselves with either of these thoughts: (a) “I never micromanage,” because almost all of us do it, or (b) the “only reason I manage so tightly is because my employees just can’t do it right.” Such denials and self-fulfilling prophecies keep bosses from seeking ways that they can bring more out of their workers. Looking “up” at the micromanager also easily brings its self deceptions. For instance, we tell ourselves that our boss knows how impossible and annoying he is being, or darn it, if he doesn’t know, he should! Such statements are convenient, for they take us off the hook. In fact, it’s possible that a manager - especially a fairly young one, or one in a bureaucratic or fear-oriented culture - has never been told how stifling his or her behavior is. Most likely, they have some sense of it in general. They know they’re a bit “anal,” or they’ve learned through Myers-Briggs or other personality inventories, or through 360s, that they have this tendency to over-steer. But it is one thing to know one has a tendency to do something, and completely another to be aware of the frequency of this behavior, or see its regular occurrences. So, step one is to be open to the realities of human nature: people often don’t realize how their behavior negatively affects others. And, of course, if we don’t tell them, how can we expect they’ll get better with it?

Now, I hear you saying, “Yes, and knowing human reality also means that nobody likes to be criticized, so if we tell the emperor he’s wearing his birthday suit, he’s likely to fight back — to shoot the messenger!” Yes. There is risk. It’s that simple. Leadership - asking people to be better, to do more, to change their habits - always involves risk. And “leading up” means you don’t have the formal authority. So, how do you minimize the risk? Here’s an approach for your consideration.

First, as in all good leadership, share a vision. Describe a world that your follower - in this case your boss - would likely wish to pursue. So, you say, “George, I really think our team could produce much better for you than we are now. And I think I could do more and better for you. I think we have more talent than we’re tapping. I have some thoughts on how we can do better in our division.” You are doing two things here: painting a picture, a vision; and, you are thinking through your boss’ eyes. How can he not be curious? How can he not want to know? You wait, until he inevitably, in some form or fashion says, “You have an idea? Tell me.”

Then you have to do something hard: you have to be willing to give feedback. And just your own feedback. You’re going to want to be like Maxwell Smart in the old TV sitcom Get Smart, when he’d say, “Go ahead and tie me up; you won’t get away with it, because the entire Los Angeles police department has this building surrounded.” And of course, when his enemies in C.H.A.O.S expressed disbelief, he would finally fall back to something like, “Would you believe there are two black-belt Karate-trained grannies outside wielding automatic umbrellas?” Speaking for others won’t work: it may intimidate the boss, it may compromise your relationships with your colleagues, and you may not get their feedback right. Instead, you have to let your reinforcements go. You have to speak for your own self. Period. So, you say, “Sir, may I give you some feedback from my own experience here?” This usually gets a cautious “of course.” And then you say, “Last week, when I was working on X, you got very involved in the details of the work. You may well be able to do my job better than I do, sir, but there are hidden costs to it. And I trust you enough to be honest about that.” Then share some of the cost: “Instead of just me spending 5 hours on it, we both ended up spending 5 hours.” Or, “I have a hard time attacking the job, when I think you are going to rethink or rewrite what I have done. I find myself second-guessing my work and the quality and efficiency suffer.” Or, “When you don’t give me the authority to negotiate, then the other side doesn’t take the negotiation seriously, and then you’ll end up having to do it all, in which case I’m not generating value for you.” Notice that each tries to describe behavior, and describe a cost.

Then just stop and listen. You merely want to give feedback. You don’t want to win! (See last week’s on win-lose and either-or.) You merely want your boss to think about the full consequences. If you are trying to make him wrong, I guarantee he will NOT hear. If he is mature enough to ask for more, then great; give more of your perspective, thoughts, ideas, suggestions. If instead he seems to shut down, thank him for listening; perhaps he’s getting it, but it’s hard to admit it. Perhaps he needs to think about it more. Perhaps he’ll tell you later that it helped, or maybe it will help but he’ll never say so. If on the other hand, he attacks, you probably want to cut your losses. If you sense he is getting defensive - or worse, offensive in response, thank him for letting you offer the feedback. You may now have a lot to think about; your worst expectations are confirmed. But isn’t it better to test reality, than to be confined by what may not be real?

The upside possibility is that you may run into a manager who really wants to learn and wants you to be your best. You may have begun a really productive dialogue from which you can learn and your boss, too, can improve. Great things can happen then. In any case,

It takes some courage to …

Lead with your best self,
Dan