Hope, Change, and Taking Control of Your Development

Friends,

Two weeks ago, I sat down with a delegation of six young people, sixteen to eighteen years old, and they shook up my old ways of thinking. They had all dropped out of school by 10th grade. They had all used drugs. They had big problems with their parents and with the law. But now they are totally determined to succeed. Each has made huge academic strides in a 5-month residential program called the National Youth Challenge Academy, run by the Michigan National Guard. And the thing that impressed me the most about these kids was their total candor about where they had been, and their open expressions of realism about the challenge now before them. They are about to return to their homes and neighborhoods, where they will face lots of bad old patterns and new temptations. They are deeply grateful that they will have the support of this amazing program for 12 more months. And the key to the next stretch is that each has developed a relationship with a mentor.

My thinking was shook up, because I slip into believing that people generally can’t change, and the stereotypes of kids in trouble make me even more doubtful about them. And these young people were clearly making a huge break in their lives. They were impressive; honest, direct, humble and determined. And the program has had a history of success. It makes me wonder, and makes me want you to wonder: Whom have we given up on? A client, partner, kid? Even ourselves? What an inspiration to see these young people taking on the odds and the doubters - including themselves.

The program generated a second huge “aha” for me. As I said, these young adults will all have mentors at home. For three years I have been obsessed with increasing the number of adults mentoring children in Michigan, so naturally I asked the program directors, “How do you get your mentors?” They told me, “We ask the young person to identify a few people whom they might like to have as a mentor. Then we help them to consider who would be best, and we assist them in asking that person to mentor them for a year.” For me, it was a “duh!” moment, causing a complete paradigm shift: Here I am running around trying to convince strangers to mentor some anonymous kids; meanwhile, these young people have to be the most persuasive recruiters we could possibly find. So, in Mentor Michigan we will be asking programs all around the state: “How might you allow your kids - especially those on waiting lists - to become your dominant recruiters?” I expect innovation and success.

What does it have to do with you? Well, many of us wait for a mentor to drop out of the sky. The National Youth Challenge Academy might prompt you to think a different way: Why not identify someone you would like to have as a mentor, and go ask them if they’d be willing to coach you?

If we are going to change and to grow and to break bad habits and fight the drift of group pressures, we all need help. Think about getting a mentor to help you to…

Lead with your best self!
Dan