A question in a time of press and pressure

Friends,

Jennifer and the kids and I were on a long drive in the car last week. Talk turned to how hectic and pressured the next two months were going to be. I said “I have a question for each of us: What activity or attitude or behavior do you think you could have that would most contribute to the peace and happiness of the team, of the family during this tough time?” They are used to odd questions from me, and as I expected they asked me to go first. I said “Two things: more patience, and an assumption on my part that we can make your requests or suggestions work, instead of my natural tendency of assuming it can’t work and that I’ll have to resist it. I want to try to think win-win more often.” I was gratified when they each offered what they could do. (One passed during the ride but shared her thoughts later.)

I learned a long time ago — but unfortunately continually forget — that when it comes to working with groups one good question is worth a hundred pronouncements. And so this question generated some ideas, perhaps commitments (although I didn’t insist on it), and a palpable sense of energy and unity of purpose. If you look at that question I asked, it has two pieces. Although it may not appear this way, it is first of all a statement of vision. I was not trying to be visionary nor poetic nor inspiring. They would have laughed me out of the car if I had tried. But I was implicitly laying out a picture of success that we could all buy, namely, a family of peace and happiness.

Later in the week I was reading the page proofs of my book Everyday Leadership, that will be published in February. I was struck by a section where I ask the question: Can you afford to talk about vision when you’re in the midst of incredibly challenging realities? You won’t be surprised by my answer: You need to talk about vision especially at times when reality is challenging. The press and pressure of the work doesn’t go away when you talk the vision. But it does cause people to remember where they’re going, what the big game is. And when we focus on vision, we get ourselves back on the same team, rather than defining ourselves in opposition to each other. We are Granholm Mulherns, not adults vs the kids, or the boy vs the girls, or oldest vs middle child. We are Ford, not legal vs financial, labor vs management, plant vs corporate, design vs finance, etc. We are educators, not parents vs teachers, teachers vs administrators, businesspeople vs the educational system. So that now in the press and pressure, cooperation, respect, and energy all rise — drawn forth by a shared vision of success.

The second thing my question aimed at was helping our kids and us find our own individual place in alignment with the vision. People want to contribute, to feel they can make a difference, but they need to be reminded that they can do so, and invited to give it their best. It helps when you go first with an offer to give your best, and thus,

Lead with your best self,

Dan