Sep

5

The omnipresence of ego

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Friends,

Never underestimate the sneaky power of the human ego. But neither doubt the ability of people to suddenly put the “me” aside and do something great for “us.”

When I was younger, I had supposed that people got over ego. I figured at some point in their careers, at some level in their corporate ascent, at some juncture in their political rise, they would gain a level of self assurance that put them above it. Ego would be in check, not in control.

By “ego” I mean a certain drive for credibility, recognition, credit. I mean the character that almost never speaks out loud but can scream within each of us: “Hey, look at me. I did it. I’m here. I mean something. I matter. I achieve. I rock. I rule. I drive a Lexus. Don’t mess with me.”

And even more than that, I mean by ego the little character that roars within: “He doesn’t even see me. She thinks she’s better than me. They’re trying to squeeze me out. Nothing I say matters to him. She listens to everyone but me. He did that just to irritate me. If I don’t do it then it won’t get done right. I know I’m right, but nobody will listen.”

This omnipresent ego when it’s really excited can be petty, vengeful, and vicious. It can also — sometimes at the same time — be self-lacerating. And let’s give ego the tons of credit it truly craves and truly deserves: Ego can push us to incredible accomplishment, as we attempt to satisfy its craving to BE SOMEBODY.

If you have a team, ego is the hidden partner within each player at the table. I found ego at every senior executive manager level where I coached or consulted. And in the cutthroat, merging, acquiring, reorganizing, and downsizing world we’re in, I found lots of deeply bruised egos. I find ego my constant companion these days when I wonder: “How do I prove myself worthy with Jennifer’s team? How do I contribute and demonstrate that I am valuable?”

Here are the lessons I extract: First, I need to keep acknowledging my own ego, and decide at any moment whether it is helping or getting in the way. For instance I might ask: Is ego causing me in this situation to be overly controlling or unnecessarily competitive? Ego has a way of regularly inflating my importance in a situation. Second, I have to recognize that everyone around me needs appropriate recognition and encouragement, and their egos, just like my own, makes them human not evil. Finally, whether it is me or those I work with, the fact that ego is omnipresent says to me that I better similarly make purpose, vision, goals — the stuff of us — just as omnipresent as the “me” of ego.

You need to use, yet rise above ego, if you are to truly,

Lead with your best self,

Dan

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