Loving the Leader

I want to write a little more about the presentation by my friend Ronald Heifetz, leadership professor at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government. Ronnie offered a wide-ranging look at how followers expect their authorized leaders to meet their needs. He offered historical examples like Roosevelt in the great depression, and also comparisons from the world of silver-back gorillas, i.e., he went WAY back and deep into our wiring.

Ronnie differentiates authorized leaders, to emphasize that such people have authority but they also always have limits and expectations that go with the authority and power. Their charter always goes back to meeting those expectations. If they fail to meet expectations, they will be gone. And, he argues, in groups as complex as a company or a city — let alone a state or country — the expectations are complicated and overlapping and sometimes flat-out contradictory.

Professor Heifetz says that the leader is “conducting”. And with that verb “conducting,” he alternately completes the thought with metaphors from music or electricity. Thus he’ll say a leader is like a symphony conductor with a (sometimes madcap) group of musicians. Or more often, Heifetz suggests that a George Bush or a Rick Wagoner CEO of GM or Jennifer Granholm will be like some massive central electrical circuit, conducting thousands of megawatts of hopes, fears, concerns, wishes, griefs, etc. I imagine them like Harry Potter or Luke Skywalker locked in with their wand or light sabre - not to a single adversary, but to a thousand households of deep feelings, concerns, hopes, and fears.

Heifetz asked the group of us, all spouses to governors: If your spouse is conducting or holding all these hopes and expectations and fears, who will hold him or her? He didn’t have to explain the question. We all got it. Every spouse of every coach whose team is “on the bubble” for the NCAA tournament gets it. Every chief of staff of every mayor in America gets it. Every executive assistant to a New York Stock Exchange CEO gets it. Every spouse of every high school principal gets it. Every lieutenant, sargeant, major, general’s spouse gets it.

I learned again from Ronnie the tremendous importance of loving my leader-governor-wife. And I learned, too, the tremendous value of the support Jennifer gives me as I conduct the electricity of our children, especially our high schoolers, who are conducting their own electricity and whose expectations of us are complicated and conflicted. I am thankful that she holds me as I hold them. I am grateful to be a partner — to love a leader — and to have a partner who loves me as I lead.

So, if they’re conducting all this energy, how DO you love a leader? A good question for further exploration . . . or for your thoughts.

Some advice fit for a king

Friends,
 
I had the wonderful pleasure as the chair of the spouses of the National Governors Association to bring in my friend and mentor, Ronald Heifetz, who teaches leadership at the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard.  I asked a few of the spouses what ideas from his speech they were going to share with their spouses.  Many said they were going to talk about his story about “the king.”  So, I’ll do my best to recite it here.
 
At a speech at the Kennedy School the young King Abdullah II of Jordan, who succeeded his father King Hussein in 1999 was asked by a mirthful student during Q & A: “Hey, what’s it like to be a king?”  King Abdullah answered that he had never expected to be king; he thought his uncle would succeed his father.  But as his father grew ill he told his son his intention.  And he gave the younger this advice: at the moment that you think you are king, you’re lost.  Heifetz takes from this the idea that those in authority - whether governor, first spouse, boss, teacher, or parent - would be wise to distinguish between their role and their self.  You are not the king, governor, principal, etc.  You are Joe, Mary, Bill who happens to be playing that role.
 
One might think that this is the point of the distinction:  be humble!  And there is something useful to that simple insight.  But Heifetz offers a more subtle and much more interesting implication.  He begins with this assumption:  much of the hard work that needs to be done can’t be done by the leader.  The leader-parent can’t grow up for the kid.  The coach can’t play for the team.  The CEO doesn’t assemble the car or sell it to a customer.  The lawyer can’t run the client’s business.  But, Heifetz says, at some profound but hidden level, people want “the king” to take care of all their problems.  And many of us who lead really want to solve all their problems!  We care about them, and we care about the work.  So there is a dangerous (largely unconscious) nexus:  they want you to solve their problems (or blame you if you can’t), and you want be the great and wise parent, boss, mayor, king!  So, they help make you think that you’re more than just your self — that you are your role.
 
So, if we think we are our role, we may lose our humility and think we have power, knowledge, or rights we really don’t.  And perhaps worse, we get tricked into failing to do the most important thing we need to do:  give the work back to the people who need to do it!  How much over-protecting are you doing to be the king of your family, team, or organization?  You’ve got to realize – and help them realize – that you’re not the king, if you’re going to:
 
Lead with your best self,
 
Dan

RFL spills over into the mainstream media and back into the blogosphere…

My RFL this week entitled “The Way of Toyota, Great Companies, and Mary Zatina” generated some really interesting comments about Mary Zatina and about the theme of focusing on your people on the RFL blogsite. You can read them here. As usual, readers write some cool things.

But RFL did not stay within its own confines this week. Instead, in addition to the blogsite comments, A columnist took me to task in the Detroit News for what he considered an insensitive attack on domestic auto producers. And the next day another columnist at the same paper opined that he was all wet. Then that spilled into the blog world. I thought about giving you links to all those pieces, but decided against it. The comments are mostly about Toyota, loyalty vs. truth telling, and domestics vs. internationals. Yes, vs. vs. vs. and more vs. You can find them easily enough if you like that kind of stuff.

I’m more interested in getting up above that fray than staying in that ring of either/or, right/wrong, black-and-white. The RFL obviously touched a nerve, and that caused me to wonder: Well, what’s that all about? What does this flare-up teach about leadership? And about communication for leaders? Why all this heat? A GM manager named Frank Brady wrote a very thoughtful and heartfelt comment on my blogsite (it’s the 13th comment down), and I responded to Frank’s message. I’d love to have you read Frank’s and my reflections right here and add your insight to the discussion:

The Way of Toyota, Great Companies and Mary Zatina

Friends,
 
Because I am married to the great governor of Michigan, I have had the chance to be a fly on the wall (generally a quiet and unobtrusive one) during meetings with executives from Toyota. These Toyota execs are like those I have gotten to know from Fortune magazine’s “100 Best Companies to Work For,” in that they get totally fired up when they start talking about the culture in their companies. The Toyota folks and the great company folks know that “culture beats strategy” every time. They have strategies to achieve results. But they know and constantly verbalize that the only way you get results is through people. For these folks it’s not just that people are the necessary means, but that people are ends in themselves. It’s not just that the employees are there for the company’s success, but at some really deep level, they believe the company is there for the employees’ success. So they pay attention to people. They have a “what” of results they’re pursuing, but they pay primary attention to the who and to the how.
 
These executives affirmed what a great leader named Mary Zatina has been showing me. Today, Mary, who has served as my chief of staff for four years, begins her new job as vice president at Oakwood Health Care System. At Oakwood they’ll find what I found out, what the governor’s cabinet directors all found out, and what the receptionists and maintenance people found out: Mary treats every person she meets as an end. She demonstrates active interest in who they are, not just in their roles but in their lives. Daniel Goleman uses an image for such emotional intelligence; he says it’s like a “lubricant” that helps people and organizations function smoothly. Mary acts with folks like Dorothy did with the Tin Man, always ready with a few squirts of oil for whoever needs encouragement or attention. I know my rusty joints got oiled at critical times. And my team often functioned, because of Mary, like a well-oiled machine.
 
Like the Toyota folks, Mary also brought the great leadership skill of looking at “the how.” Because she broke projects down in the planning process, we acted with efficiency and didn’t have to spend time fixing problems that could have been anticipated. Because she involved the people in planning who would have to execute, she uncovered pitfalls before we fell into them. Because she made us debrief – celebrating successes but noting shortcomings — we almost always did things markedly better the second time.
 
I remain a big believer in the “where” of vision and the “what” of strategy, but I sure want to keep learning from the Toyotas, the great companies, and the great leaders like Mary Zatina who see the value of the who and the how.
 
You have to see and appreciate others’ greatness if you really want to
 
Lead with your best self,
 
Dan

Leaders Sometimes Stand Alone

Friends,
 
Today’s lighthearted reflection begins with a story. I was sitting almost directly beneath my wife as she delivered the State of the State speech last week. Jack, our 9 year old son was next to me and our girls were next to him. We rose in standing ovation from time to time as we felt - as much as saw - the crowd about us rising to welcome a particularly good line or powerful point. Proud of my wife. Proud of their mom. Happy to support her.
 
About halfway into the speech, amidst the policy meat and potatoes, Jennifer delivered a line about how she will create a crash program to train 500 nurse trainers, who in turn will train 3,000 new nurses. For some reason, unbeknownst to us, Jack vaulted to his feet, clapping thunderously. I glanced at him, amused. One of his sisters did what siblings do at times like this, saying, “Jack, what are you doing standing up? You’re the only one standing.” 
 
He stole quick glances, realized he was having an “emperor’s new clothes moment” and slid back down into his chair. Just as he was sinking though, I was rising as were many folks around me. Some might have arisen because they were hospital advocates or fired up about this program to retrain workers, but I’m pretty sure most of us were rising to give Jack some cover. It felt like the strange, silent movement of a herd encircling a brash young one who’d ventured out past the herd’s safe boundaries. 
 
In the car, we joked about it. Jack’s very good natured and took the ribbing with grace and laughter. With apologies for my need to find a lesson in — well, just about everything — I told Jack and his sisters: hey, that’s what leaders do. They stand up. And I pointed out to them that that’s what followers do, too: they stand. People are impressed with courage and independence and they will rise, even if they’re not so fired up about something, but just because a leader cares so much. 
 
We’re still trying to figure out just what lit Jack’s fuse, but in the meantime we’re thanking him for a good laugh and a live example of the courage to
 
Lead with your best self,
 
Dan

Using Awareness to Lead With Your Best Self

Friends,

My wife and I tend to display the yin and yang of life. With her State of the State address tomorrow, she is completely focused on big picture problems and opportunities. Meanwhile, I have found myself at the other extreme, involved in multiple conversations about the microcosm of leadership, not about leading large groups, but about leading your very own self. Let me share one of those conversations.

I was talking to a woman who was frustrated by the number of people – professional and personal – putting demands on her. As a result, she was dropping balls, being short with people, and feeling increasingly unhappy in her work. I asked her about one of these troublesome commitments which didn’t seem like it should be so important. “Why not get out of that?” I asked. “I can’t. I made a commitment,” came the answer. “I appreciate that,” I offered, “but they may well understand and you can help them figure out who might fill in for you.” She said, “No. I just can’t do that.”

We talked for a little while longer, and she saw the trap she was making for herself. She didn’t want to let anybody down, but the result was she wasn’t keeping up, and all the pressures were getting her down. She realized that she was afraid others wouldn’t like her, and it was crippling her ability to succeed. I offered her a suggestion that I thought might help her lead with her best self.

Her fear was about not being liked, but we all have our own fear thoughts, largely unconscious, repetitive messages that play in our heads and keep us from doing our best. Sometimes it goes like this: “I really don’t deserve to succeed,” or it’s: “Things always fall apart for me, so they probably will this time, too.” I’ll bet you’ve got such fear-thoughts, too.

Well, here’s the coaching I offered this young woman. See if you can just become aware when that thought is in play and just notice it. It may have a lot of frustration or resentment behind it, or it might not. You may act on it – trying not to let somebody else down – or not. But just simply notice the thought. Don’t judge yourself for having it. Don’t try to change the thought. Don’t dissect it. Just notice it.

Here’s the wonderful thing that can happen with this practice over time. You start to realize, “hmmmm, if I am noticing this little mechanism, this tape playing, this reflex reaction, then that thought is not ME, but is a rut or pattern that my mind follows.” And so, a different you starts to stand apart from that mechanistic thinking; at first that “you” just observes. But increasingly that “you” that is observing will start to have a choice to think differently and to act. For instance, this woman could begin to say to herself: “Well, I could respond to that voice that says,’so and so will be really mad at me if I say no,’ but her new observing self could continue, “it’s also possible that person will not be mad, or that I can manage their frustration; and either way I can choose how I will respond.” Over time, noticing starts to free you to choose what you really want.

Why not click on my blog site and share your thoughts about the mental tapes that may undermine you, and how to use awareness to . . .

Lead with your best self!

Dan