September 24, 2007
Friends,
I frequently write what I feel I must learn, and so it is today. Daniel Goleman teaches about “emotional intelligence” and the practice of “self-regulation.” It’s a practice especially necessary if you are facing the fact that reality must give way to major change.
Here’s the story. The governor and legislature are under enormous pressure to craft a grueling budget compromise. Taxes will need to be raised. And painful cuts will be implemented. Many legislators will face mighty resistance when they vote to enact these necessary measures. It’s death to the status quo and perhaps political death, too. Such realities are hard to face. People march or muck through them as Kubler-Ross described how we confront death: through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Jennifer diagnosed the illness and prescribed a treatment program seven months ago. But the stages had to be walked. Republican leaders and many Democrats spent months in denial and helped keep the media and public in that unfortunate state. Voters became increasingly angry. Bargaining - with band-aids on deep wounds - continues. And some are just depressed. The personal and collective emotions can be overwhelming.
Given such hard realities, the search begins for a scapegoat! – a search rooted in the stages, I suppose, of denial and anger. It’s Engler, they say. It’s Granholm. It’s Dillon. It’s Bishop. It’s DeRoche. It’s the whole bunch of ‘em! For me, some days the emotions have felt as real as a tazer-charge or the descent of the dementors — especially when I’m feeling for my besieged yet battling wife. I too wish for a simple enemy: those bloody Republicans; or the media, whom I lash in my thoughts for provoking public anger, instead of helping the public to understand and accept, then make tough choices and move on. Sometimes I feel the depressive, thousand-pound pull of the prospect that our fiscal illness may continue indefinitely. Maybe in your family or organization or state you too have at times been in denial, lashed out (or wanted to), or just gotten depressed about potential loss. If so, you know these emotions are INTENSE! Well, that’s where Goleman’s wisdom about self regulation comes in, with solid advice for all of us who must confront the death of some untenable reality:
“Self regulation, which is like an ongoing inner conversation, is the component of emotional intelligence that frees us from being prisoners of our feelings. People engaged in such a conversation feel bad moods and emotional impulses just as everyone else does, but they find ways to control them and even to channel them in useful ways.” Here’s to self regulation — becoming aware of, controlling and channeling our powerful emotions to face the tough realities before us. Practice the inner conversation to Lead with your best self,
Dan
See, e.g., Goleman “What Makes a Leader?” Harvard Business Review, November-December 1998.
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September 17, 2007
Dear Friends,
You may not want to read today’s column if you are looking for a message that is simple, positive and very directly related to an average workplace setting. You also may not want to read it if you are set against asking any kinds of questions or seeking any deeper meaning from the situation in Iraq. But I think there is a powerful leadership message below. It applies to both of our political parties, and it applies to us as citizens and leaders, and I’m taking this digression from my usual shorter, and more local fare, because I’m just not sure anyone else is saying this:
I believe great leaders give a MORAL accounting for the work that we do with them. When Odwalla discovered a product of theirs had poisoned people, and when Johnson & Johnson learned the news of the Tylenol tragedy, both companies responded with transparency, candor, accountability, and compassion. Both healing and constructive forward-looking policies were the result.
With the war in Iraq there’s an elephant in the room. And I’m not sure many of the Democrats recognize it, and I feel quite certain the President does not. The elephant in the room is our tragic moral responsibility: our actions as a nation unleashed a torrent of human violence and suffering. Before (some of) you turn me off, here’s what I am not saying. I am not saying Iraqis are not morally responsible for the deaths they have caused. Iraqis are perpetuating the continued sectarian violence, as well as attacks on our troops. But I am saying that our invasion was the proximate cause that has led to tens of thousands of deaths and as many as 2 million refugees. Had we not attacked – and/or bungled the aftermath – this killing would not be happening.
Even if the president’s intelligence was significantly credible, even if the fall of Saddam was justifiable, and even if we sincerely thought we were prepared for the aftermath of our invasion, the results are what they are. And our actions — driven by the President, fueled by his supporters, cheered by most of the public, and endorsed by Democrats and Republicans alike — has led to all of these horrors that we continue to watch.
We should admit at this point without condition that we grieve the extraordinary suffering our actions have caused. As our Jewish brothers and sisters seek personal “atonement” during this season of their new year, perhaps we should all – as one nation under God and indivisible - fast and pray in solidarity with our troops and our human brothers and sisters in Iraq. Our miscalculations have led to untold carnage. I didn’t believe in this war from day one, but I am sad I did not speak up with the loudest and clearest voice I could have. Some of the blood is on my hands.
This is not just religious or moral talk, but I believe it is incredibly important from a policy standpoint. If we do not confront our moral responsibility, I fear our policies will necessarily be equally partial, half-right, misguided. If we do not deal with our sadness, regret — and as I argue here, our guilt – I am convinced these powerful emotions will work beneath the surface. We all – Ds and Rs and the unlabeled - rightly fear that the way we leave may create even greater chaos, pain and suffering. We are right to fear that, and to craft policy that minimizes that risk as best we possibly can. But if we don’t acknowledge our guilt, we may unconsciously generate more of the same mistakes. We have to tell ourselves the whole truth about the past so we can honestly see and think about what’s really here now.
At this point, the overriding objective and context should not be about Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda is not irrelevant. But what is overriding is to quell the sectarian violence that we have helped to unleash. But if we don’t admit we unleashed it, we can pretend it’s almost secondary. Is America’s long-term safety relevant and important? Absolutely. But the overwhelming moral imperative is to pursue the best policies that will bring hopes for peace. If we were horrified — as we were — at the loss of over 3000 American lives in the World Trade Center, shouldn’t we be honest about the heart rending tragedy of the chaos that now exists in Iraq? Sometimes I wonder if the horror is just too much for the President to face. But leaders stand to repeat the mistakes they’ve made if they don’t face the past — and bring it to their followers to face with them — with brutal honesty.
It’s time to stop the nonsense about international coalitions (it was 95% ours at the start and is about 99% ours now – just look at the casualties), about “finishing the job” (the job description keeps changing – WMD, Saddam, Al Quaeda – the job is to restore peace, do no more harm, and get our kids home). We let the genie out of the bottle. Admit it, grieve it, learn from it. But don’t pretend we can put it back in, because we can’t stand the guilt of knowing we pulled it out. Clearly, the Iraqi people must step up to end the sectarian violence that is now literally killing them.
We’ve got to accept our moral responsibility if we’re going to move forward rationally, thoughtfully, calmly and compassionately. You’ve got to tell the truth – including the moral truth – if you’re going to
lead with your best self,
D
September 10, 2007
Friends,
Today, I want to offer high-level thoughts on the practices of leadership, and recommend a great book if you want to explore these thoughts deeper. There must be a thousand books on leadership.* I have found one most foundational and I return to it often; it’s The Leadership Challenge by Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, and the 4th Edition has just come out.
Listen to my show on Thursday at 6 pm, EST, to hear Jim Kouzes talk about the book (you can click on the link below and to the left).
There are a lot of reasons I like this book best, but the central one is that the five practices the authors outline are both few enough to remember yet broad enough to truly cover the waterfront. In almost any situation I am in or am analyzing, I feel that if I ask “Which of the five practices is missing?” I will almost always be led to practical strategies to get results. Here are Kouzes and Posner’s five practices (paraphrased a bit) offered as questions you might consider to apply in your leadership contexts:
- Is there an inspiring vision being shared here? Are we heading towards the same picture of success? Are we heading somewhere that we consider worthwhile?
- Am I modeling the way? This asks whether I am walking the walk. When people see me do they see someone doing what I am asking others to do? And at the most basic level: do we do what we say we will do around here?
- Are we challenging ourselves to see, learn, and do more and better all the time? Are we creating an atmosphere of excellence, where we’re constantly innovating, experimenting, and learning how to do things better?
- Am I always enabling people to do more as individuals and as a team? In great organizations they are constantly upgrading people’s skills and abilities, inviting people to step up and do more. And great organizations elevate collaboration – enabling teams to achieve results.
- Am I encouraging individuals and teams with celebration, energy, and exuberance? Great organizations generate energy, and when people achieve, these organizations find creative ways to celebrate it – recognizing individual and team accomplishment. Are you uplifting hearts?
You might do a little inventory of the places you lead and ask which of the 5 practices – if practiced better and more frequently – would lead to greater results and satisfaction. It’s a way to practice the third practice above – challenging yourself to
Lead with your best self,
Dan
* For a sampling of some of my other favorite leadership books and what I found valuable in them, check out my resources page at www.danmulhern.com/resources.html.
The Leadership Challenge 
By: James Kouzes and Barry Posner 
If you like Reading for Leading, sign up for the Reading for Leading newsletter, and tune in to The Winners Circle with Dan Mulhern every Saturday morning at 7am.
September 3, 2007
Friends,
I write this on Sunday night. The wind is howling through the trees and rattling the windows in cottages all around the Mackinac Straits. In 9 hours, 50 swimmers will enter the Straits to swim the four mile distance from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to Mackinaw City in the Lower Peninsula. Hopefully the wind will diminish and allow the white caps to settle and smooth, so the swimmers can enter. Even if the waters calm, the currents beneath will make the four mile swim in 60-degree waters seem much further.
Why do it? The answer, a bit like the classic answer to climbing Everest? Because it’s there! That’s what Carole McAlvey, 51 year old mother of four told me. She said every time she has driven across the massive bridge, which celebrates its 50th year this year, she has thought, “I wonder what it would be like to swim it?” I continue to believe there ought to be something similarly CRAZY and wild in all leadership. I suspect the best personal leadership is always born with “crazy” questions: Why do we have to be at war? Why can’t we end slavery? How come our office doesn’t recycle? Why does my mom have to use drugs? Who says we have to tolerate racism? Why shouldn’t I run for mayor and make things better? How come no one sells a ___ that . . . ? Why don’t our schools have . . . ?
Years ago Jim Dreyer wondered: Why can’t I swim across Lake Michigan, and Erie, and Huron, and Superior – and Superior – and Superior – as he tried multiple times and was pulled out half-dead from the unforgiving, frigid and forceful waters. He finally survived the Superior crossing, and a new question occurred to him last year. He wondered: Why is it just me swimming for Big Brother Big Sister? Why don’t I get others to join me? And so this time he recruited 50 swimmers to cross the Straits of Mackinac, all raising at least $500 for “the Bigs.” He now expects his “Dire Straits Team” will raise around $40,000.*
So, on this Labor Day, here are two questions for you: First, what wild objective are you not pursuing? Dreyer risked drowning, hypothermia, kidney failure, you name it, 100 times – to “just do it” (and to raise money for BBBS, but Jim, you know there were easier ways to do that!). So, what are you not doing cuz you think you might sink or drown? And how real is your fear? Second, what great stuff are you trying to do on your own, when others could help? I asked Jim where the fifty swimmers came from. He said, “crazy people like me usually have crazy friends, so that’s where the first of the fifty came from. And then they had other circles of “crazy” friends.” The help you need is probably similarly right around you!
As Margaret Mead wrote: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world, indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
You’ve got be a little crazy and find a few friends, if you’re going to
Lead with your best self,
Dan
* (It’s not too late to contribute: https://www.mnaonline.org/event_register.asp?eventID=84)
Members of Dire Straits team hearing final instructions from Captain Dreyer
Preparing to take the plunge!
