Speaking of Leadership
Dan on Twitter- danmulhern: Mi Repubs claim to be biz-like. But what biz person wld not spend $ where profit looks sure? Pure wimps on tourism! #michigan
- danmulhern: Sandra Bullock Leads http://www.danmulhern.com/wordpress/category/rfl/
- danmulhern: 1st trip to Tigers' spring training. Very cool.
- danmulhern: This week's radio show on the very cool & changing world of #communitycolleges listen sat 7am EST http://bit.ly/8zSTB0
- danmulhern: #leadchange A very interesting movement on LinkedIn that's about leading from who you are, not from what your position is!
Jan
28
Managing My Appetites
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Friends,
It’s been a week of thinking about the frailty of human leaders. I find myself thinking a lot about how sometimes my human appetites undermine what matters most to me.
When leaders are caught in scandal – especially about private behavior – the public seems to vacillate between moral outrage and protestations that what a leader does privately should be his or her own business. A good psychologist could argue that both of those public responses may be triggered by our personal defense mechanisms. For it’s easier to condemn someone else than to face one’s own foibles. And a vehement tolerance of others’ privacy may be a way to keep people from invading our space.
Some of our appetites are dark and notorious — addictions to gambling, sex, or substances; or tendencies to be physically abusive of others. Other appetites are more garden-variety — intensely controlling behavior, workaholism, incessant scapegoating or perfectionism. Isn’t it true that in one way or another we are all rather wounded characters? I love the consolation I find reading memoirs, as individuals lower the mask and share their struggles. Nobody’s got this mystery of being human all figured out.
The great challenge is when our appetites or habits undermine our values. In my case my wife and children are of supreme importance in my value structure, yet my appetite for achievement, recognition, and new pursuits continually threatens that primary value. Feeding that appetite to achieve compromises both the quantity and the quality of my presence at home. I see it as a kind of addiction, both in its compulsive power and its corrosive effect.
So, in 2008 I’ve recommitted to telling the truth to myself; I’m watching that appetite for work and achievement, and trying to honestly recognize the impact it has on my family. And I’m doing other things that it’s important to do with addiction: talking about it openly, seeking the help of others, and removing myself from the conditions that tend to create the compulsive behavior.
Like many, I feel sad and indignant about the stories of Detroit’s mayor. But on a personal level, instead of judging him, I’m hoping his experience will make me more aware of my own humanity, as well as the impact that my appetites have on those around me. When we lead in positions of authority – as parent or boss – our behaviors really do profoundly affect others. It’s important to try to tell the truth about those behaviors, and to seek help to manage them as best we can. I hope you will, too, and thus
Lead with your best self!
Dan
Jan
21
Getting Outside Your Comfort
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Friends,
With apologies to those who understandably desire to have Martin Luther King Day be strictly about the end of racism, racial bias and prejudice, I offer slightly broader thoughts and raise somewhat unorthodox questions today.
Barack and Hillary have walked a trail blazed by Shirley Chisholm, Reverends Jackson and Sharpton, Alan Keyes, and Pat Schroeder. This time a woman and an African American are on the center of that well-worn trail and one is going to be nominated for President of the United States. How cool is that? What a milestone for our country. I don’t think this moment would have come so soon (granted it’s 220 years since the Constitution’s passage) had it not been for Dr. King’s leadership in throwing open the doors to equal opportunity. Although he led for African Americans, he and those who marched along side him opened doors for everyone.
Saturday night I was with a couple great friends who happen to be African American in what was a largely white club, and I found myself thinking things like this:
- It’s a common experience for my friends to be in predominantly white settings, and wouldn’t it be good if more white people routinely found themselves in predominantly African American clubs, churches, and neighborhoods. Might they lead differently, more sensitively, and with more fact-based understanding than they do now?
- Women fought – generally without meeting (public) violence to gain access to the public domains of business and politics. They are prospering there, magnificently comfortable and effective in their roles. But to what degree have we men embraced the worlds that (women’s efforts for equality) opened up for us? How much better are we at nurturing, empathizing, and making things run smoothly at home? How much better might we men be if we read more, talked more, listened more about how to develop strong relationships with our women and our kids? And how much better we would be for ourselves if we spent more time getting to know what used to be “women’s worlds?â€
- How much of the time do we make our kids and our staffs come to us, get with our agenda, or aim to meet our targets? What if we spent a little more time in their cubicles, sitting with them as they play their games, asking what success looks like for them? I suspect we’d lead much better.*
When Dr. King said “I have a dream . . . that the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will sit down together at the table of brotherhood,†I wonder whether he thought that meal would so often take place at a table in the white man’s home. I think by getting out of our comfort zone and fully embracing the reality of others’ experiences you can more effectively
Lead with your best self!
Dan
* My favorite chapter in my book is the one on diversity. If today’s RFL seemed interesting, next time you’re at your local bookstore you might want to skim Everyday Leadership or buy it online here.
Jan
14
Leading with tough love
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Friends,
Imagine you’re on a stage, as this boy was over the weekend. You’re 14 and generally think the whole world is watching you, and this time you’re almost right. There are 400 men and women in camouflage fatigues, all officers in the Michigan National Guard, in an enormous conference room at a university. You’re up there with your Sergeant and Big Brother, Jared, and the governor’s husband has asked you what it’s like having him as your mentor. You hear your voice amplified across the whole room as you say, “I really like him a lot, and we’re really tight . . . although we’ve had our moments.â€Â The governor’s husband asks you if you could share one of those tough moments, and you are hugely relieved when your big brother takes over and answers that question.
Jared offers the moment when his little brother was mad at him, when Jared explained that goofing around in school might seem like fun now, but making the choice to goof around wouldn’t seem real great when he had to repeat a year in school. Furthermore, Jared explained that his little brother didn’t like the fact that Jared was talking to his mother. That was not cool. Jared told the crowd – as he had told Jared – that he appreciated how his little brother didn’t like him talking to the boy’s mom, but that both adults cared about him and would keep talking together for his benefit.
I told Jennifer about this powerful bond between the sergeant and his little. She had been in Chicago the day before, visiting two super-high performing city schools. And she related that the school reflected the same thing: it’s critical to care enough to set high standards and hold people to them. She told me how when she asked a couple kids what made this school special, they both said that it was the fact that people really cared whether they succeeded, and that the school had rules and enforced them which made it a safe and excellent place to learn.
So, this might be a good time of year to not be afraid to let your “little brother,†your son or daughter, or one of your employees know how much you care about them, how much you want them to succeed, and that you will keep being honest with them and setting high standards so that they can reach their best. Maybe, too, a time to become a mentor, an awesome way to
Lead with your best self!
Dan
Jan
7
Lead With Your Best Self in ‘08
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Friends,
For some years now I have finished this weekly missive with the line “lead with your best self.â€Â It implies that you always have a choice. And that there are different selves within. Sometimes you’re your worst, worse, fair, good, better, or best self. So, at any moment there’s a choice. And somewhere within you there’s a best self. How do you bring out that “best self?â€
Jews in the High Holy Days, Muslims in Ramadan, and Christians in Lent recommit to a best self through reflection and repentance, with forms of fasting and sacrifice and self denial. The secular occasion of New Years offers a chance to think about – and even Resolve-to-Be our best Self. Many years many of us miss this golden chance.Â
I wonder if we fail to make resolutions to be our best self, because this secular moment skips over the anticipatory period of reflection, atonement, repentance and cleansing associated with those religious new beginnings. Most of us are too busy with gift-giving and family-enjoying to stop for half a second to look back and reflect. I suspect that if we don’t admit that we screwed it up last time, then deep down in our subconscious, it must seem foolish if not futile to make whole new resolutions. Maybe we should reform this New Years Day thing to add a day to make peace with the shortfalls of resolutions gone bad, shake off the dust, seek forgiveness and a new beginning. Maybe you can say simply to yourself, “I haven’t always led with my best self, but I’m letting all that go.â€
I wonder if the other problem many of us have with resolution-making is that this New Year (in Capitals) is often devoid of G-d. Resolutions lack mighty purpose. Losing weight and saving money are fine, but this is the beginning of a whole New Year – wow, a whole new year! So why not aim for our Best Self, for things that Really Matter, bringing about Peace and Justice, Liberty and Love. Our typical resolutions suffer from a lack of G-d in another way. To really make good on meaningful Resolutions, we do well to turn to a Higher Power. So often in our secular world we lose the sense of the enormous possibility if we align ourselves with God. If your past resolutions have lacked the Meaning to motivate or the Support to sustain you, perhaps there’s a different way to begin in ’08 to Resolve to
Lead with your best Self!
Dan
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