Phil

Thanks for your insights, Dan, I look forward to them every week.

Christine

I have just learned that Governor Granholm by law cannot seek a third term. She will be missed. It is too bad that this law was not passed when John (Barney Rubble) Engler was governor. In his third term he destroyed Michigan’s safeguards, like the rainy fund and the early retirement fund in our state. He left Governor Granholm with huge deficits. John or Barney gave contracts to friends without competitive bidding. After leaving office his friends hired him for about $500,000 per year. We have the same problem in Berlin, aka Washington, D.C.

And before anyone is tempted to add denial to the projection, please consider the possibililty that one has, at some point, exhibited the very same behavior that we find so reprehensible in others.

Finding fault in others and fixing blame on them for “hooking” us doesn’t fix any problems. It’s important to take responsibility for our own reaction. We don’t have to respond with anger. We can consider the possibility that the other person’s behavior (perhaps like ours in the past) stems out of feelings of powerlessness or insecurity.

From this nonjudgmental stance, we can choose to respond with compassion. There must be a reason why they acted as they did. It’s okay to ask them what the reason is. We don’t have to make up a story in our heads about how it’s because they’re lowdown scumballs. We can look more deeply into the how and why of things–on both sides–accept responsiblity for our own response, and move forward in creating a more healthy relationship… if we want to lead with our best selves.

I’ve checked out that book, and it’s a good one.

Thanks for sharing so deeply and honestly again, Dan.

And thanks for the info about the Saturday a.m. radio station. If you also have a M-F 6 p.m. radio show, please send us the details on that, too.

I’d like to add another, arguably the most honoring and effective tool: genuine, compassionate, clear (and sometimes difficult) one-on-one communication.

It’s been my experience that in most cases taking the risk to share genuine dialog with someone by whom I’ve been hooked is the best way to go. Done genuinely and compassionately, without a need to “be right” or change someone’s behavior, both parties are likely to walk out feeling heard, affirmed, and aware of both cause and effect.

Sure, there are a few people in our worlds with whom no amount of such interaction is likely to make a difference. I believe that these are the exceptions, and that most people do respond well to an attempt to build community and strengthen relationship.

It just seemed odd to me to bring up hookers, very different than hooked - as in catching a fish, or catching the end of a hockey stick. And to contribute to the idea that it was the oldest profession on earth when actually hunting, gathering, and mothering are probably the oldest professions, I had trouble there too.
I once heard a sermon on Luke 13:32 where Jesus compared Herod to a fox only the person giving the sermon decided to use the word Foxy not fox and that completely changed the interpretation of the story and who Herod seemed to be.
You may have written about this before on RFL but Leaders need to be careful and sensitive of the words we use, I know how exhausting it can be a simple ‘y or er’ can change our message.