Another example: the rule book says you HAVE to report it to a member of the confidentiality team when a client expresses suicidal thoughts, so after making sure the client wasn’t going to act on those thoughts, I did so, and then got fired because this client didn’t want THAT particular member of the team to know, and that particular member of the team broke confidentiality, so I had to be fired because it was all my fault. Somehow.

Another example: the books ays you HAVE to find a member of the birth family to place a child with if one can be found who is healthy. So I looked around, did a complete study on one family, found one who’d take the child, and proposed it to the court. The foster care worker, who had never met the family, disagreed. They had been working with the judge for longer than I so they voted against the placement, and as a result, the judge told the 11-year-old child, who really wanted to live with his aunt and uncle, to “forget” that he ever had a birth family. !!!!!? Then the contract was pulled from our agency and I lost my job. Again.

How about the boss who was thrilled to hire me, gave me a laptop and PDA and cell phone and instant messaging address and info on hotels and travel so I could go around the state and she could keep in touch with me no matter where I needed to be… and then gradually forbade me to go anywhere but the next room and told me that’s what the job description always said. By the way, she’s been diagnosed with chronic anxiety and depression and doesn’t choose to take any medication for it. So I told the CEO about it, having seen this same process with two previous employees–people who developed major health problems while working for the organization–and he wouldn’t do a thing about it. So when the grant ran out, I walked away. Since then two other people who did work there and didn’t really feel free to leave all the stress because they needed the health insurance… have died. Literally died.

So yes, I know about truly toxic organizations.

In my current position, my co-workers compliment me on how positive I am with clients, and compassionate, and helpful, and enthusiastic, and hopeful. Synonyms for naive? One co-worker thinks so, apparently. He can’t explain or understand how I can be three times more successful than he at helping ex-offenders find employment when he’s been working at it for years. I have reason to fear that his solution is to cut me out of the process altogether even though he SAYS he no longer wants to work with this population.

So I can handle micromanagers if I know that’s what I’m dealing with, going in. What I have so far found impossible to handle is when the words go in one direction (our job is to increase the number of felons who find jobs) and the actions go another (you’re doing it, and you’d better stop, or it will cost you your job)!

I welcome any insights you may have to offer on this topic. Clearly, all workplaces are not created equal. And yet, defensiveness no doubt abounds in all of them, as well as elsewhere.

When I was self-employed, every time the phone rang, it was the boss (customer) calling! Again, I had to figure out what they wanted, (Believe it or not,they DON’T always tell you directly!)

I have a feeling that sometimes when staff members get shot down trying to manage up, they didn’t do their homework fully beforehand. They might have asked for responsibility that was beyond what they were actually able to handle. I have one staff member that has wonderful suggestions, great ideas, and a bubbly, engaging attitude. The problem is her inability to meet deadlines, poor follow-thru and lack of stick-to-itiveness. She is good at her base, primary duties, but not new, special projects that require research, time and effort to pull together. On suggestion to employees is to give themselves a hard look through their bosses eyes, before they manage up.

But I have to say, I’m curious: Where did you get the idea that I was suggesting any manager or leader should ever speak or act in a way that would amplify ANYone’s sense of helplessness? I re-read what I wrote, and I fail to see that suggestion anywhere in my comments. (And I’m CERTAIN it was not my intention.)

Let me explain a little further. All I’m suggesting is that formal leaders should be realistic about where a lot of working class folks, and even middle managers, are coming from. There’s a very good reason that well-known middle eastern teacher, Jesus, referred to people as “sheep.” And if you get past the “gentle,caring” part of the image, you see that it wasn’t a very nice thing to say. It was also a pretty serious — but well-deserved — put-down! Sheep don’t exhibit anything like any of the seven habits. Instead of being proactive, they are almost completely reactive. They don’t begin with any end in mind, because they don’t ever try to accomplish anything. They don’t put first things first, because they don’t do anything to begin with. They don’t even swing at the pitches. Three strikes and they’re out on private victory, so they never come to the plate for public victory. In fact, they’re fundamentally fearful (a lot of people believe doubt is the opposite of faith, but it’s not; the opposite of faith is fear.) Sheep don’t normally exhibit any kind of leadership behaviours. If you watch a flock of sheep in a field, it seems to wander and flow aimlessly, more like a giant amoeba than a group of mammals with any kind of consciousness. What holds a flock together? Their equivalent of social-conformity. Safety is about staying close to the flock. It’s the outliers that taken down by the predators. Yes, Jesus was right-on when he referred to people as sheep, but he wasn’t paying us any compliment.

Are ALL people sheep? Obviously not. In fact, I believe every human being is born with the full range of potential, from sheep, to Einstein or Edison or Ghandi or Mother Theresa. The whole question is, “Are you gonna wake up to your possibilites? Are you gonna do the work, develop the self-discipline, and fulfill the responsibilities, so that you can claim the freedom and power that are available and waiting for you?”

I’ve been watching all this for a long time, and I believe that the vast majority of people only begin to really “wake up” to their potential. And all I was suggesting in my response to your column is this: It’s fine to suggest “managing your boss,” and I hope some people WILL take the risk. But don’t hold your breath while you’re hoping that strategy is going to make a difference in organizations. I don’t think many people (sheep) are going to respond to your suggestion. (After all, this whole exchange came about because you were surprised by how limited the response was to your suggestion.)

Finally, just to hit the nail one more time, I TOTALLY did not mean to suggest that any leader should ever reinforce the “sheep” in anyone. I try my best to make every interaction an opportunity for whoever I’m dealing with to wake up a little more, recognize their responsibilites a little more clearly, see where they’re limiting themselves, and step up to a higher level of responsibility, freedom, accomplishment, and fulfillment. And I try always to see myself as a fellow seeker in that same endeavor. Please read my earlier comments again, and see if you can identify where in my words you heard something I wasn’t trying to say. If you find it, please let me know. If not, ask yourself: What did you hear, and where did that message come from?

Namaste!
Mark Becker

PS: I noticed you made a distinction between “managers” and “leaders.” It seems to me that it’s cruel and unusual punishment to keep insisting on an organizational structure that puts “managers” over people. Look up the word “manager” in your dictionary. Mine says, “To direct or control the use of; to exert control over; to make submissive to one’s authority, discipline, or persuasion;” If what we’re really after in our organizations is enthusiastic collaboration, cooperation, and empowerment, then maybe the whole concept of “managers” — at least of people — is part of our limitation. (Yeah, I’ve come back around to 360 hiring, 360 supervision, 360 promotion, etc.) I suggest we reserve the word “manager” to things and processes. Again, knowing what we know about pyschology and motivation, it ought to be obvious that trying to “manage” people is Dead on Arrival. “Leading” is the only approach that makes sense if you’re talking about groups or teams of people. For “lead,” my dictionary says, “To show the way by going in advance.” (I ALREADY feel better!)

Thanks for a fascinating and deeply thoughtful reponse. I think your counsel to managers is outstanding. I was at Google yesterday where they talked about how the CEO shares the exact same financials with employees as he does with the board. That sure helps build trust. My whole discussion with managers there was on how to appreciate some of the fears of authority that people have and to affirmatively and continually build trust and openness. So, I think you’re right on the money.

I feel defensive about your suggestion that I am so totally out of touch with “real” people. I recognize that there are risks, that they are economic, and that the economics ties to deeper issues. I had a dad who raised 7 kids and was completely bound by the “golden” (a major exageration in his case) handcuffs, that kept him bound to a huge bureaucracy and often to less-than-bening bosses. Beyond my defensiveness, I agree with your assessment that managing up can be profoundly risky.

I think your umbilical cord metaphor is fascinating, though, Mark. You could not have chosen a more profound image of helplessness. Is there not something demaning about telling “those poor regular folks,” that they are dangling from a thread of life; can’t breathe; can’t use their arms or voice; and that to speak up will lead to certain death? Rich people and managers can risk to act morally or courageously, but regular people shouldn’t? Is there a genuine reality in this manufacturing-stricken economy that someone could go from $15 to $8 an hour? Absolutely. Does that mean people should cower in fear in the corner? No, it means they better understand the risks - as well as the protections accorded them. But people have a certain freedom to act, as well as an intelligence to act. And as this long trail of messages suggest, there are great managers whom it’s easy to lead (see Doug’s comment below), there are “normal” managers with whom thoughtful action can lead to good results, and there are some very insecure managers, around whom people need to tread with great care. I can’t believe you think that all “regular people” should refrain from managing up with the appropriate level of caution, planning, and collaboration?

Telling MANAGERS (including Mulhern and Granholm) that they should appreciate the genuine fear of regular people is totally on the money. You have made the point with passion, and it needed to be made (even for me, despite my admitted defensiveness). And, as I said, I agree wholeheartedly with your ideas on building a culture of openness and trust. But I don’t think we should “infantilize” people and tell them they are helpless and hopeless, dangling from an umbillical cord. Given the rest of your tone, I can’t imagine YOU believe that either!

Thanks so much for taking the time to surface really important issues!

Dan

Thanks, Anita

I am glad my team cares enough about our collective success to seize every opportunity to show me how to lead.

Doug

I believe that managing up takes courage, patience, grace and self examination. I have had the good fortune of having two of the most exceptional leaders with my current and most recent previous “bosses”. They accept feedback differently, and like me they have their teachable moments. Managing up take both positive and constructive feedback - this is the risky part. Like any relationship you weigh the risk with the potential reward - developing strenghts. The first question I begin with is “If this were me, how would I best accept the feedback?”, the second question is “Why do I need to give the feedback?”.

I have also had the experience of working for a person who deemed me inapropriate for the work place stating I should be in my place, like his daughter “barefoot and pregnant”. This person I managed around! Any other approach would have been a pure waste of my energy and talent.

The reward for kindness and generosity with others is that I am never disappointed in myself afterwards.

Sincerely,
Joan

For most people, the relationship with “the boss” is — when you strip everything else away — the umbilical cord that connects them to job security. And “job security” is often not just for the job holder, but for his or her family as well. It’s for the partner, and the kids, and maybe even for extended family members like Gramma, and Aunt Helen, and Cousin Eddie who lives with Gramma. For most people, there’s a TON hanging by that umbilical cord, and most people won’t even go NEAR the IDEA of taking ANY kind of risk with it.

It’s easy for you to imagine it, Dan, and talk about it and imagine it for others. But consider: I’m guessing that if you lost your job, you wouldn’t ever worry that you were “near the edge” of losing your house, or having to sell any of your favorite toys (boat, motorcycle, woodshop equipment, etc.), or trade down to an older car with more mileage. Try to imagine facing the possibility of not even being able to HELP your kids pay for college. You can’t. (It’s harder for a rich man to get into heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle.) You have a pedigree of knowledge, education, experience, and contacts that very few people have. (That’s great! Congratulations! More power to you!) But you need to realize that because of your pedigree, there’s no way you’ll ever be able to accurately imagine what it would be like to have NO options if anything breaks your umbilical cord. In fact, I’m guessing that if you had a regular job and lost it somehow, if you had to, you could pick up the phone and within a few days of calling all the people you’ve worked with over the years, you could have a new gig lined up making at least half of what your current household budget and debts require. Even if you had to cut back to half of what you’re accustomed to, you’d still be more comfortable and secure than a lot of people have ever dared to imagine. And if you took a couple of months instead of a couple of days, you could probably equal or improve the situation you got separated from. A person with only a high school diploma doesn’t have those kinds of options. If they lose a job because of a falling out with their boss, they’re looking at $8 an hour instead of $15 or $17, and no chance of ever getting back to where they were. You need to realize that you’re not thinking realistically about what you’re suggesting people should do. You have an ethnocentric blind spot.

Instead of asking how we can get more people to manage up, let’s go to a deeper systemic level and ask, “How can we change the organizational structure to reduce the level of fear and insecurity, increase people’s sense of security, and make it more likely they’ll feel more safe in volunteering their contributions? When you get to that level, you’ve got to push the boundaries and think outside the box. Like, “Why is it important for everyone to have a “boss?” Anyone who’s worked with the performance management system knows that it’s totally unrealistic to pretend that ANY one person sees and understands enough of what you do to pass final judgement on your work. Given what we know about human psychology and group dynamics, does it really make sense to insist on a structure in which every individual contributor’s job security rests in the judgment of ONE (usually flawed and DEFINITELY subjective!) individual? If 360 feedback makes sense, why not try 360 hiring, 360 supervision, 360 promotions, 360 discipline, 360 terminations, and yes, 360 leadership?”

OK. Let’s come back to reality. What can a person who has a formal leadership role do to remedy this whole situation?
1. Realize that if you have authority over any person’s job security, that person has probably censored whatever information they give you. (They may not even realize they’re doing it.) I believe everyone does this. Even middle and upper level managers. Do you seriously believe that Jennifer’s cabinet members are always completely candid?
(I think it makes more sense to assume that they carefully monitor what they say and how they say it to preserve their job security, just like everyone else.) So if you’re serious about leading, you need to acknowledge the impediments to communication that are built into the boss/subordinate structure, and work really hard to overcome them. CONSTANTLY reassure people that it’s safe for them to be honest with you, and NEVER betray their trust by inflicting consequences, regardless of how much you dislike or disagree with what you hear.
2. Realize that most people don’t like ambiguity. If they don’t have reliable information to work with, they’ll make stuff up. And then they’ll believe in it, and act on it, and spread it around as if it were totally true. (There’s a good reason everyone knows what rumor mill is!) So a good leader must communicate constantly, and not just about fluff. Talk to everyone in the organization about the stuff that’s most REAL in the work of the organization. An organizational newsletter that prints announcements about fundraisers and committee meetings is fine. But WHERE’S THE BEEF? Seems to me it would be so much better if the leadership team would send out an announcement to the whole organization, every time they make a major decision, or take a significant action. That’s NEWS! TELL it. Tell why they did it, and tell how it advanced the organization in its strategic plan, and how it fulfills the organizational mission. And if it doesn’t, explain why it was still a good decision. (If an executive decision or action can’t stand up to everyone looking at it, maybe some other decision would have been better!)
3. Walk the talk with absolute integrity. The people over whom you have authority will be listening to every word. And whether or not you’re saying anything that’s REAL to them in the world of THEIR jobs, they’ll be watching every gesture, every facial expression, noticing every change in voice tone, measuring every pause — because their self-preservation antennae are always up, listening for the slightest clues that might help them maintain their job security.

Our website, that I created, is:

www.concernedcitizensofamherstcounty.com

I will be loading more data on to this new site, this evening, after I attend a budget meeting by the Board of Supervisors. There seems to be no one guarding the cookie jar here in our county, so I’ve decided to step up to the plate.
Thanks for your continued inspiration.