One chapter near the front talks about the sin of Pride. Essentially, the senior demon talks about how easy it is to get someone to fall into. If they praise themselves for what they’ve done good, they might feel it’s a sin – so they say things like, “it’s not that big a deal” or “it wasn’t all just me.”

Knowing when a statement is self-agrandizing and not just a statement of fact is hard to decern. I think it’s critical for leaders to know the difference, both for themselves and when commenting to and about the people they lead.

djb

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Thanks as always for the great blog!

I do have a thought about the use of “I” vs “we” when in a team setting: there are times where the idea I’m bringing forth isn’t necessarily one that the team as a whole has supported, but that I feel needs to be mentioned as an option, and in that case I’ll say “I” to make sure that any negative response falls back on me, rather than on the rest of the team. I’m guessing that wasn’t the case in your example, but it’s a thought to consider, that it’s always good to try to look for the “other side” of a viewpoint to see if there’s a possible explanation.

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I like the way you carried out the sports metaphor. Well done. As your action indicates, in a democracy we’re not just spectators. I’d suggest that you identify your own rep or senator and exert pressure there; tell them you’re watching and entreat them to rise above the partisan stuff. Better yet, organize others as well to amplify your voice. Jennifer has some bedrock issues which make her a Dem, but there is a ton of room for negotiation. I think she’s said publicly that she’d sign the package the way the Rs or Ds have passed it. Same goes for the smoking legislation. It’s not her partisanship that’s standing in the way.

They got done the Merit Scholarship, higher curriculum standards, the 21st century fund, the film package (and all those Rs – it nearly passed unanymously) were not doing it cuz they want to give the Gov a chance to slobber (yuck) with Mitch (not a very slobbery guy) over the film industry. They’re trying to build an actual industry here, and we all know, given GM’s latest announcement today that we need to jump start some industry. You and I hope (and Jennifer is working to see) that they come to some agreement on the airport money as the construction season clock is ticking.

D

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I really don’t believe I have any psychological or pent up feelings from a repressed previous moment, nor am I suffering a current crisis. The sports analogy is somewhat fair. When you watch Ben Wallace (a few years ago) miss free throw after free throw, when you see Brandon Inge check his swing and strike out time after time, you cringe. Maybe you don’t yell from the rafters, but you wince. I think that the public is wincing right now with Lansing… seeing a replay of the same partisan games that brought this state down last year. Couldn’t Ben have practiced or been coached not to miss so many? Couldn’t Brandon study his errors and cut down his strikeouts? Those type of questions are what Michiganders want answered with Lansing and it seems that no one is getting it, instead latching on to their political parties, same-old ideas and such. That’s the point… plain and simple. However, I’m now paranoid that I have larger issues. If you have any recommendations for a good psychologist (and the state will pay the fee ) please forward it along. Again, my thanks for your perspective. It is helpful.

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Thanks for chiming in.  I referenced your comment above in a long reply to Rick.

It’s curious the various tracks readers take to a post like this week’s RFL. 

Your attempt to merge the two paths – a Tolle-ian thought process with seemingly external political critique – was helpful.

D.

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Great topic! Every day I am trying to teach my players about the ‘I’ problem; it’s very visible in today’s athletes coming up. As educators we need to eliminate this thinking.

Coach Finamore
Jackson Community College
http://hoopscoach.wordpress.com/

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Great comments that help flesh this out.

There are two kinds of “I”-statements, aren’t there? We can know them from inside. I can make a statement that in some way aggrandizes me, makes me bigger. And I can make another one that is just me – neither bigger, nor smaller than that.

When I am using I statements to take credit for things I didn’t do, that’s ego, and it doesn’t help me and gets in the way. When I say, “I told them we shouldn’t go in that direction,” what’s the point of that? To prove I’m something. So? And does it help the group? Not likely. The nuns were right about that

On the other hand, I used to say things like “this is only my opinion.” Someone along the way corrected me, and I try never to do that. I may say, “I don’t have all the information,” which can be true, but I don’t minimize my viewpoint. If you want the view to be taken seriously, you shouldn’t cripple it.

What do you think about this? Can’t we develop and inner ear, so to speak, to recognize when we’re puffing ourselves up, but also when we’re undercutting ourselves?

D.

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I hope you feel better – really. In your view, I suspect you feel you “spoke truth to power” (to my wife, through me) That is a kind of civic engagement that is very cool. Blogs give more people the power to speak. So, I’m glad you wrote.

Having said that, “someone needs to scream it from the top of buildings” is hardly a solution. It makes for a great scene in the movie Network, and having been to one Pistons and two Red Wings games this year, I know lots of people love to scream from the rafters. “Play defense, Rasheed.” “Doc, you’re an idiot!” “Get the puck out of the zone, Stuart.” Like these guys on the court or ice have never played before. It’s really kind of funny if you step back and look at it through that lens. We scream because we’re desperate to win (we “love” our team; boy that’s a weird idea! to love a team). And we yell advice, because we honestly think we know the game, but do we think they don’t see it? Do we think Zetterberg didn’t want to clear that puck? Can we imagine the speed, pressure, pace that he plays at on the field? Can you imagine being Speaker Dillon or Leader Bishop trying to herd 40-120 people, themselves being pressured by people trying to make their way (to smoke in a bar, see a doctor, preserve jobs, lower their taxes, etc.)? Can you imagine why it’s tough to play on that field? If you step back, do you really think they don’t know we need that federal airport money? (Dillon’s Dems want construction jobs for colleges to be attached to that. Are they “wrong,” “stupid,” etc.?) Hopefully they will get it done and soon; believe me the Gov is doing all she can to get them to just cut a deal and get people to work. Their field of play would be one you or I would struggle on, as well, Rick. It’s easy to scream from the rafters.

I’d love for some of the writers who CHRONICALLY whine and moan (those from the left as well as the right) to read chapter 5 in Tolle’s book on what he calls “the pain-body.” “Strictly speaking,” he writes, “you don’t think. Thinking happens to you.” He says, you might as well say: I respirate, or I digest. Thinking often is knee-jerk (as my knee-jerk reaction to your writing, see below, is defensive, angry or dismissive). And when we are almost always negative, perhaps we are not as clinical and objective as we think. Perhaps it’s not the UM-trained mind, the brilliant fiscal conservative or compassionate liberal, but an ego, and a hurt self that’s speaking. Perhaps it’s the “pain body.” I’m not going to spend pages describing it, but you might find value in it. I don’t mean to sound preachy – like you have a problem. I’m saying it like somoene who is on the wagon would say to someone else, “you might check out an AA meeting.” Tolle has helped me a lot to find some freedom from the inner road rage. Like a recovering alcoholic, I’m trying to live my faith in the moment, and I am grateful for some awareness that Tolle has helped me to find.

You are making public policy arguments. I don’t have a half hour to argue point by point. I doubt I’d convince you or Jennifer’s other detractors, and I will not make this a political blog. As I have written before, the point of this blog is to help people who want to learn to lead more effectively, as distinct from those who want to tell OTHERS they have a problem. Jennifer has a lot of work to do (and I know no one who works harder) in a state that has lost 330,000 manufacturing jobs. She’ll do her job. I’ll do my little job. And in this case, my passion is sharing thoughts and experiences in trying to lead better in my and your and our complex worlds. I hope it helps.

What this is today, is a blog about Eckhart Tolle. I’d encourage you to considerthe people who have commented here that they loved the book. You might pick it up. And, since this blog is about Tolle, here is a second thought through the lens of Tolle:

Perhaps there is something going on in you, and “screaming from the highest building” represents something inside you. Some pain. Pain at older experiences, deeply unconscious. Perhaps pain in your own world – frustrations with what YOU can’t “lead” on – at work, with this challenging economy, perhaps at home and in your relationships. We can at times identify with our frustration. Being mad, perhaps, is part of what makes you feel alive, feel like you. I’ll bet you felt your chest puffed up after you finished writing that assault. Like you were taking on all that ails you. Like you were fighting for the well-being of all of Michigan. Tell the truth to yourself, did you feel that kind of macho “I showed him and her?” Felt it in your chest, in your body and your mind. It would be a pretty human response. Tolle suggests we identify with our pain – because it makes us feel real. I am somebody. I am smart. I am right. I am mad. If Tolle is right about this, then by now, a day later, you’re probably still/again mad at somebody. If you’re like me, your first reaction will be to bash me; I suspect words like “psycho babble” might come to mind

In my case, I have plenty of this mysterious thing called ego. So at the threshold, I react to your writing with irritation and defensiveness and anger. I am identified with my wife; she expands, as it were, my sense of self. And I feel attacks on her, as though they are attacks on me. Katherine Crowely writes interestingly below of Tolle’s story of the monk who responds to things – good and bad – by saying, “Is that so?” I strive for that kind of objectivity to note my own reaction of anger, as well as your arguments, and say, “hmm is that so?” I fail as much as I strive.

Finding that gap – as others here have noted in their comments, that moment of breathing and awareness – gives me a different opportunity to respond. I can smile at my chivalrous-egoic self that wants to battle with you. But I can see you’re no enemy. You’re a lot like me, probably – trying to figure out how to make things work in your world. (You have arguments, too, and those deserve consideration, but you are not the argument, any more than I am my argument.)

I hope you keep weighing in on the politics. If you wanted my opinion I might even offer thoughts from down here, pretty close to the ice or the court, as it were. But I don’t hear you asking for that. On a more important level, I hope you find a perspective of “is that so?” I hope you find some freedom to accept what you can’t change, enthusiastically take on the moment, and be an engaged and positive force in your world.

Lead with your BEST self!

Respectfully,
Dan

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That doesn’t mean that she couldn’t be appointed to a cabinet position such as Attorney General.

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According to one of Eckart’s tales, a famous Buddhist Monk would respond to anything that happened in his life with, “Is that so?” It was his way of practicing non-attachment. Political discussion is one of the most difficult areas to say, “Is that so?”

I’ve been trying to practice, “Is that so?” while watching the presidential race. It’s a good exercise in curbing my ego and seeing how willing I am to truly hear another person’s opinion.

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