Colin Hubbell Led With His Best Self

Friends,

Each RFL concludes with the simple, hopefully provocative line: “lead with your best self.”  There’s always a choice about what self you’ll be – in every precious, present moment.  Your best self is an ethical self that chooses the right thing because it’s the right thing.  Your best self is a courageous self.  Courage, especially for those “everyday leaders” who appear to be followers, who have titles like assistant or deputy, receptionist or associate, teenager or middle child, or first man, which always means second person J.  Gosh, there’s a lot of titles for a lot of everyday leaders.  Our best self steps up through these roles, when we’re not paid to, not expected to, or in some cases not welcome to speak, to act, or to lead.  Conversely, for authorized leaders leading with your best self sometimes means doing the right and courageous thing by admitting you don’t know, asking for help, or giving away your power.

Maybe what’s most true of “leading with your best self” is that it’s your authentic best self.  Which brings me to Colin.  Colin Hubbell.  Perhaps 10% of you know Colin.  Maybe some of you who do, don’t know that he died on Thursday night; sorry to bear that sad news.  Our first question when we hear someone has died always seems to be “how old was s/he?” – as we gauge ourselves against a lost comrade.  We’re quietly relieved when they are older than us, as it means we “should” be safe for a while, but we are more troubled when they’re younger than us.  Colin was only 49.  So, for many of us he rings the bell of urgency.  For those of us on the senior side of 49, we’re piercingly reminded, as Colin told many of us in his 2-1/2 year battle with cancer:  Each day is a gift, never a guarantee.

Colin Hubbell exquisitely led with his best self – his real, authentic self.  Colin was a white, professional father of four who lived in and loved Detroit, when others were complaining and fleeing.  He worked for the buttoned-down Mayor Archer, and he supported and befriended the so-called hip-hop Mayor Kilpatrick.  He rode his bike 15 miles to work and then to meetings, any season of the year.  Like all great best-self leaders he saw people as individuals, not as types; he would reach out to anyone and was not fooled by appearances.  He ran a sub-3-hour marathon, but seemed to take greater delight in Trish, his wife’s midlife running craze.  He loved his alma mater Catholic Central, but sent his sons to rival U of D High.  He developed lofts in mid-town Detroit and sold them when people said he was crazy and it couldn’t be done.  He talked openly with his associates, friends, and even children about his bladder (then bone, then liver) cancer.  He was at moments positively defiant.  He laughed at the drugs that made him loopy.  And he was not afraid to say he was scared and to cry.  He was always real.  WYSWWHW – what you saw was what he was.  He knew he was mortal.  He was real every minute, which we’re reminded is all we have. Lots of us thought Colin was crazy.  You never knew what might come out of his mouth.  But you never doubted that it was Colin’s view – nobody’s else’s.

Colin Hubbell was Colin Hubbell.  Thinking of this man I loved and admired makes me ask myself:  Am I being the Dan Mulhern that only I can be, or am I squandering that chance?  And you?  No one else has the chance or inkling of what it’s like to be you.  Are you trying to please others, worried about their critiques, afraid of their silent judgment, fitting in with them, and thus missing the chance to be the best you you can be?  What a tragedy to live someone else’s life, to try to be what others want you to be, and to miss the chance to be the unique and marvelous you, to truly

Lead with YOUR best self!

Dan

Olympian Greatness - players and coaches

Friends,

Here’s the stuff we’ve shared this week:  Michael Phelps.  Kwame.  Michael Phelps.  Kwame.  Michael Phelps.  Kwa…  It’s amazing how our attention is drawn to the HUGE – figuratively, and in this case, literally huge – characters in our world.  Last week, I suggested we consciously reclaim our focus from our obsession with condemning fallen heroes and instead direct it to our own tendency to fail or fall.  (And, by the way, your blogging was exceptionally good.)  This week I invite you to learn from the Olympians – our modern-day athletic, Greek gods – about excellence and the thrill of victory.  How do they do it?  What can we learn?

Phelps, we were repeatedly told by the sportscasters, had a vision of greatness and pushed himself to extraordinary limits.  What’s your gold?  Where might you be in 10 or 15 or 20 years?   Imagine the power that comes from having a clear picture of success, and claiming it, now!  And can you imagine emulating this aspect of Phelps’ behavior:  he took the newspaper stories in which people criticized or doubted him, and he put them up in his locker – to remind him, to inspire and challenge him.  He’d show them.  How cool is that?  Often a negative opinion can drag you down, generate self-doubt, or even lead you to give up?  How awesome to take your opponent or adversary or critic and put ‘em right in front of you to motivate you.  Bring it on!!!!

A change in Olympic practice also echoes through the professional world:  using the power of a personal coach.  If you want to excel like a Phelps, get yourself a Bob Bowman!

Or be for others like Bowman, Phelps’ dedicated coach, is for Michael.  As a coach you can make all the difference in the world.  Many of us may do much more good being a Bowman than a Phelps.  And every supervisor should see development of their people’s talent as one of the central purposes of their existence (and I don’t even mean just work existence!).  Being a great coach is a high calling.  And here’s the central art:  a constant balancing of challenge on the one hand, with loving encouragement on the other.  Whether it’s in the Beijing National Indoor Stadium, the Water Cube, or the Bird’s Nest, great coaches believe in and challenge, support and push, embrace and drive their athletes to greatness.  Get out there – set great goals, hold their feet to the fire of their commitments, and let them know you’re committed to their success.

Work like Mike or coach like Bob to

Lead with your best self!

Dan

Our Leaders Our Selves

Friends,

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent more minutes than I’d like to admit railing about Mayor Kilpatrick and John (and Elizabeth) Edwards this week.  My talk has been mostly – if not completely purposeless.  I’ve just been part of the Greek chorus of outraged citizens.  I don’t think I’ve enlightened anyone else or likely made myself more moral as a result.  So, why write more?  Well, here’s a really weird connection.

Every year the State of Michigan’s Office of Great Workplace Development does a survey of employees regarding the workplace culture.  The survey asks “how evident” the values of Integrity, Excellence, Teamwork and Inclusion are.  It asks this at five levels:  in general, in departmental leadership, of one’s boss, of one’s co-workers and of the employee filling out the survey.  Can you guess the consistent result?  Who gets the highest rating?  Why, the person filling out the survey!!!  Over 90% of people say they not only demonstrate excellence but also show integrity, inclusiveness and teamwork almost always, or all the time.  They rate their co-workers pretty well, their boss less well, their departmental leadership less, and the state government as a whole the lowest.  The results are consistent across the four values and across all departments.  Isn’t that amusing?  And needless to say it makes NO LOGICAL SENSE: if each of us were so incredibly good then wouldn’t it have to follow that we’re pretty good as whole?

What’s the connection to Mayor Kilpatrick or Senator Edwards?  It’s the human connection!  We judge leaders harshly (those who ask to lead us invite that scrutiny), but they are just human and so are we.  Their colossal failures distract us from our work – this crazy hard work of being a human being of integrity.  As parents we teach love, but sometimes we’re not so loving.  As bosses we expect communication but forget to communicate.  As pastors (literally “leaders of flocks”) we proclaim God’s mercy but forget to trust and experience that mercy ourselves.

I can hardly imagine being in the painful shoes that these leaders have put upon themselves and invited us to tighten excruciatingly around their feet of clay.  But in the end, you and I walk in our own shoes.  There’s always a gap between the behaviors I preach and those I demonstrate.  Maybe there’s some value to the madness if you and I gain a little more courage to see our faults and own them before we cause others and ourselves so much of the pain that flows from deceit of ourselves and those we lead, hopefully

With our best selves!

Dan

On the Need to Speak Up!

Friends,

Based upon psychological surveys of well over a million people, we can safely conclude that about half of us tend to gain our energy and focus our lives primarily inside, on our inner thoughts and feelings. Folks who tend toward “introversion” are not all shy, but it is as if we have an on going experience – of both thinking and feeling – that is introverted. While our counterparts, the “extroverts,” tend to express their thoughts and their feelings, and be caught up in external happenings, those of us who prefer introversion spend more time and energy reflecting, weighing, considering, and mulling.

Last week I was working with a start up company, and according to the Myers-Briggs instrument, as well as the participants’ self-description, six of the eight tended toward introversion. To a facilitator (or a boss running a meeting), that can be quite challenging. The participants’ faces were not very expressive, for it was as if their mental energy was folded in, and they were probing, wondering, perhaps debating in their own minds, and measuring ideas against their experiences and intuitions. Similarly, their emotional side was well contained, so often their faces did not show enthusiasm nor frustration nor rebelliousness. I had to guess.

In your own minds’ eye, you might imagine the team you work with, and have a pretty good guess as to which members prefer an introverted approach to life. Meanwhile, if you prefer introversion, it might be helpful to know that much more often than you imagine, people are unsure of what you are thinking or feeling. That can be challenging. So a word of advice to introverts and to those who work with introverts*:

To those who tend to introversion I’d say: work hard to ensure that the team gets the full value of your ideas and feelings. You may think a boss or one of your coworkers is great, but unless you tell them they may never know it. You may think you have an idea that’s good, but your natural instinct will be to keep thinking about it to get it right. But sometimes it’s important to share it – even if you don’t think it’s all thought out – so that others may benefit from it in their thinking. In short: get it out, express it, share the valuable thoughts and feelings you have inside!

To those who work with us sometimes frustrating introverts I would say: ask us, draw us out, and gently remind us that we have something to offer and you would love to hear it.

Introverts need to be reminded to share the value in order to…

Lead with their best self,

Dan
*You can find much more than “a word of advice” about preferences like introversion and extraversion, the Myers-Briggs and its cousin the Keirsey temperament instrument. I have found Keirsey’s book Please Understand Me to be invaluable in understanding myself, my marriage, children, and key work relationships. You can find it here