Nov

24

Thanksgiving Day-ly

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Friends,

I look forward to that wonderful stuffed feeling I’ll get this Thursday.  You and I can’t do that every day, but we can go a long way to sustaining in ourselves and others the joy that comes on the day on which we give thanks. 

Two weeks ago I wrote about Professor Kim Cameron’s great little book Positive Leadership:  Strategies For Extraordinary Performance.  One of the driving forces in positive leadership is an abundance of thanks giving.  Cameron cites the work of one of his colleagues, Robert A. Emmons who teaches at UC Davis.  Emmons has been doing research on thankfulness, which he summarized in his book last year, How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.   As part of his research Emmons randomly assigns adults to three journal-writing groups.  One is asked to daily journal 3 things they are grateful for that day, the second group journals some of the hassles or irritations of the day, and the third group is asked to write about “things that had a major impact on them.”  The results of gratitude journaling are stunning.

Emmons described the results from the thankfulness journal group in this way: We “saw a positive effect on hours of sleep and on time spent exercising, on more optimistic expectations for the coming week, and fewer reported physical symptoms, such as pain. Additionally, we observed an increase in reported connectedness to other people and in likelihood of helping another person deal with a personal problem.”*  The positive-journalers were as much as 25% happier, and were not only happy relative to the complainers but even to the neutral group.  Remarkably, Emmons found sustained, positive results after people had been gratitude-journaling for four nights a week for as short as three weeks time.

Emmons and Cameron both find that giving thanks to someone else, and not just for them, has doubly positive benefits.  Not only does the giver of thanks feel better, but there is also what Cameron calls a virtuous effect: those who are thanked are much more prone to thank others in turn.  The result: not a vicious, but a virtuous cycle.

So, wait til Thursday for the turkey, but start giving thanks today and tomorrow and Wednesday, to

Lead with your best self!

Dan

 

Nov

17

Son Jack and Google Agree on Transparency

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 Friends,
 
Maybe the greatest moments in parenting are those threshold moments – the firsts: first smile, word, step, word read out loud, or first day of school.  But those first adult thoughts are especially cool.  Not just the unconscious brilliance of a four-year old, but the moments of self- and other-consciousness that happen before the teen years bring on defiant challenge.  On Saturday, during one of those great car rides, with the distractions of TV and Blackberry gone, Jack started to tell me about what really rankles him.  It really annoys him, he told me, when the adults in his life tell him “no” and won’t give him a reason.  “I just don’t understand why they can’t give their reasons,” he said.
 
It made me think about when – if ever – authority is justified in answering the “why?” that all kids and followers ask, by saying “because I said so; that’s why.”  I told him there may be times when his babysitter, or his teacher, or Jennifer or I are under so much time pressure that we won’t give a reason.  Or, maybe his teacher or sitter can’t give an explanation at a moment in time, because there are hidden reasons: For example, they don’t want to embarrass someone else, or there is something in their personal needs that they just shouldn’t have to divulge.  But Jack and I also agreed that followers lose respect for managers who can’t or won’t say why.  Trust grows when management explains their reasons.  And trust really grows when management – in explaining their reasons – actually listens to what you’re saying, sees your point of view and even changes course as a result.  Those of us who have authority have work here: We have to cultivate patience to hear people out, and we have to cultivate open-mindedness to listen fully.  Perhaps most of all, we have to develop the self-confidence to overcome our fear that those who challenge us may show us up, embarrass us, or stump us. 
 
Shannon Deegan, Director of People Operations for Google, spoke at our Next Great Companies conference this past week.  During the Q & A , a man pointed out that Google and the other renowned companies* at the conference had great cultures.  He asked what is the central prescription Shannon would give for those Michigan companies who are not yet so enlightened. Shannon said: Focus on being transparent.  The Google founders have a happy hour every Friday where all employees can attend – live or online – and anyone can ask anything of them.  Employees get access to all the reports the chairman makes to the board.  Anyone can ask any manager anything about the business strategy and decisions.  Openness abounds.
 
So, guess what people feel like?  The same thing Jack is striving for: They feel like respected adults.
 
At work and at home – leading your staff, your children, and your aging parents – you gain insight, trust and buy-in by being intellectually open,
 
Leading with your best self!
 
Dan

Nov

10

Practice the 5 to 1 Ratio

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 Friends,
 
Maybe the greatest moments in parenting are those threshold moments – the firsts: first smile, word, step, word read out loud, or first day of school.  But those first adult thoughts are especially cool.  Not just the unconscious brilliance of a four-year old, but the moments of self- and other-consciousness that happen before the teen years bring on defiant challenge.  On Saturday, during one of those great car rides, with the distractions of TV and Blackberry gone, Jack started to tell me about what really rankles him.  It really annoys him, he told me, when the adults in his life tell him “no” and won’t give him a reason.  “I just don’t understand why they can’t give their reasons,” he said.
 
It made me think about when – if ever – authority is justified in answering the “why?” that all kids and followers ask, by saying “because I said so; that’s why.”  I told him there may be times when his babysitter, or his teacher, or Jennifer or I are under so much time pressure that we won’t give a reason.  Or, maybe his teacher or sitter can’t give an explanation at a moment in time, because there are hidden reasons: For example, they don’t want to embarrass someone else, or there is something in their personal needs that they just shouldn’t have to divulge.  But Jack and I also agreed that followers lose respect for managers who can’t or won’t say why.  Trust grows when management explains their reasons.  And trust really grows when management – in explaining their reasons – actually listens to what you’re saying, sees your point of view and even changes course as a result.  Those of us who have authority have work here: We have to cultivate patience to hear people out, and we have to cultivate open-mindedness to listen fully.  Perhaps most of all, we have to develop the self-confidence to overcome our fear that those who challenge us may show us up, embarrass us, or stump us. 
 
Shannon Deegan, Director of People Operations for Google, spoke at our Next Great Companies conference this past week.  During the Q & A , a man pointed out that Google and the other renowned companies* at the conference had great cultures.  He asked what is the central prescription Shannon would give for those Michigan companies who are not yet so enlightened. Shannon said: Focus on being transparent.  The Google founders have a happy hour every Friday where all employees can attend – live or online – and anyone can ask anything of them.  Employees get access to all the reports the chairman makes to the board.  Anyone can ask any manager anything about the business strategy and decisions.  Openness abounds.
 
So, guess what people feel like?  The same thing Jack is striving for: They feel like respected adults.
 
At work and at home – leading your staff, your children, and your aging parents – you gain insight, trust and buy-in by being intellectually open,
 
Leading with your best self!
 
Dan

 

Nov

3

What I Wish I Did More Often

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Friends,

  
I was kicking some ideas around with my daughters today, and one had a perspective very different from that of her sister.  They love each other a lot, their values are very similar, they have shared so much together, AND they just see the world through completely different lenses.  They’re the kind where relatives say, “It’s hard to believe they came from the same family?”
 
They were debating a point about college and growing up, and I felt the temperature in the room rising.  Oh, it was a long way from the boiling point, but it was getting hotter.  Jennifer had walked into the room, and the pace was quickening.  I said to Jennifer and the one daughter who was questioning the other, “what if instead of debating this point we just try to understand what she is saying?  What if we switch from discussion to inquiry about how she feels and what she means by it, instead of talking about how we think she understands it, or how we think she should understand it?”  It really worked!  We all understood her point, and now that she wasn’t being pushed (and therefore defensive), she could begin to see (all by herself) that there was another way she could look at the issue.
 
I was like the proverbial blind squirrel who occasionally finds a nut.  What I wish I did more often is to remember to practice the power of genuine inquiry.  So often, we think we know what someone is saying.  So often, we want to correct their view before we truly understand it.  So often, when we don’t understand, people respond with defensiveness and aggression.  Then, the heat goes up, and as the heat goes up, the light goes down.  People say more and listen less and the vicious cycle speeds up.
 
We’re pretty smart.  We think we get it.  We are in a hurry – who isn’t?  We say our part.  We defend our view.  We’re more into being right than understanding.  Inquiry through good listening is like Karate, a good golf swing, or great teamwork:  there is a sweet efficiency that follows.  Trying less yields more.  There’s smoothness as things work themselves out, as the gift of listening-with-trust, allows the other person to speak with candor and completeness.  At St. John’s on Sunday Fr. Joe said something about time with God, which also applies well to the way we listen to family, co-workers, and even our adversaries, “Quit doing something, and just stand there!”
 
Care to join me in opining a little less and inquiring a little more?  Inquire more to . . .
 
Lead with your best self!
 
Dan

 

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