Comments on: Looking at Men from 38,000 Feet

By: Meryl Runon

Meryl Runon — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 15:52:16 +0000

Nice post, David. I do take exception to the suggestion that we seek androgyny.I don’t get the impression that’s what you’re really saying – you speak of your wife being right to be soft and you being right to be firm – and you speak of true partnership.

Too many women scrambled to be like men early in their careers. Now men (or at least the smart ones) are scrambling to embrace the feminine qualities Dan attributes to a woman’s nature. But the successful men and women embrace both masculine and feminine qualities. I find some of the most savvy people I do business with are men who are very relational. They are not androgynous, however. They are men who have partnered their masculine qualities with their feminine ones – but not merged them, as androgyny implies.

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By: Meryl Runon

Meryl Runon — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 15:43:33 +0000

“The problem is between responsible capitalism and predatory capitalism.” Gerald S.

A very important distinction, Gerald. The system matters for less than the implementation. That requires a change in consciousness.

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By: As women gain respect at work, feminine qualities do too « The Secret Last Laugh

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:44:24 +0000

[...] Mulhern ’s job title is First Governor. In a recent blog post, he describes some of the challenges that come with that role, and how many men face a similar [...]

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By: Mike Schlacter

Mike Schlacter — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:37:48 +0000

This has been going on since the late 70’s. It began in schools and has continued.
Women make great leaders.
Men do also.
Men were put aside for AA reasons and EEOC reasons and this is a result. Those “good enough” are running corporations and hopefully the discriminatory programs can end and allow the best to run our country. I have five sons who are living out the results of reverse discrimination. I have told them that they will earn everything they get, while some around them will be given. It is too bad that the programs to equalize have resulted in another group being less than.
Leaders and high performers come from both genders and they need to be allowed to grow and rise to the surface and above at no expense to either group.

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By: Rob Fowler

Rob Fowler — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:33:04 +0000

Dan,

As always, well reasoned and well written. This one strikes me as very timely…both as a father of a teenage boy and as a participant and believer in the need for men’s ministry. Thanks for raising the issue in the context of Leadership.

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By: Activadvocate

Activadvocate — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:44:47 +0000

I wish men could get it that the culture lied to them. They are more than just a paycheck. Your emotional support of your wife is of immeasurable value to her and as a result, to the state she governs during these extremely trying times. The dominant culture has long de-valued women’s work in the home: all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, child care, social events, etc. Now that rotten practice is spilling over onto men who serve as homemakers and the emotional support of a family and its breadwinner. Gender doesn’t matter! All work is valuable, whether paid or unpaid. Surely you know that your work with youth is of immeasurable value to them and the families they will be parents in some day. Why isnt’ this work of yours valued? We have to end the practice of assuming that anyone’s worth can be measured in dollars. It’s a lie! A lot of work is immeasurable.

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By: Mimi DiFrancesca Heberlein

Mimi DiFrancesca Heberlein — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:50:48 +0000

Hi from East Lansing!

I attended a conference in 2005 at the Omega Institute in New York. The conference was Women & Power and the keynote speakers included Maya Angelou, Eve Ensler, a stellar collection of authors, instructors and activists and even 2004 Noble Peace Prize Winner, Wangari Maathai. The strongest thread of the conversations and lectures over the three day conference was the shifting paradigm from an old school of thought to a new school of thought. They spoke of the old dynamic, male driven, presented an “us OR them” philosophy. They explored the fear of things that might be emotional or “messy” ( read: human) for people, mostly men, who still function under the old dynamic. And they spoke of a new, emerging philosophy that is an “us AND them” scenario and the embracing of all the things that make us human, messy tears included. It was, as it always is when you bring hundreds of women into the same space, a warm, compassionate, dynamic and insightful gathering. All the things that might make men who are dedicated to maintaining the structural integrity of a male dominated world, well, uncomfortable. The reason why businesses fail and countries go to war and religions struggle for the space at the top of an imaginary hill is because we are thinking, feeling, breathing, emotional human beings. We are not mindless robots who follow arbitrary directives for the sole gain of a corporation or one lunatic individual with a god complex. After men have trained and beaten and forced anything into a shape it was not meant to hold, they must choose to either exert even more force to keep it that way or to allow it to grow INTO what it needs to become. The fear of letting something out of our steel grasp is what drives us on in stupid wars and pointless projects. Women have been midwives to the world all along and we can certainly be of great assistance in helping the birth of a new paradigm of thought. As Wangari said at that conference, we are all on the same bus and we can make this a pleasant ride by choosing it to be so. We could sure use a Women & Power Conference right here in Michigan!

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By: heinen

heinen — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:29:30 +0000

Hi. Being the parent of a now teen age son with 3 older sisters it has been a cultural shock raising my son. When I was raising his 3 sisters I always thought I would raise a son the same way I raised my daughters. We needed to be mindful of stereotyping girls into certain roles. The thinking was girls can be anything they want to be – we need to make sure they feel good about themselves and then Title IX (?) came about for girls in athletics. It was all about our daughters and young women changing the world. Unfortunately, our sons and boys got left in the dust. Teachers single out the boys in school at very young ages to sit still – act like the girls (my words) and fold your hands and don’t blurt anything out in the class – forgetting that boys gross motor skills are much more developed than girls. My son was so frustrated in elementary school and would get into trouble for not staying in his seat, talking out of turn and tapping his pencil on his desk. On cold wintry days the teachers felt the students shouldn’t go outside for recess. I strongly disagreed. For boys it was critical for them to hop, jump, run and flex their legs and arms. Recess became a talking point each evening for my son. Boy was I wrong about bringing up my son like his sisters! I ate my words on that one! And now, I’m dealing with girls wanting to jump my son’s bones and the talk is about staying away from all the girls who want to have sex. As he recently described his entry into high school – “I felt like I was walking into a jungle”. Who knows what the future holds for him. The culture has certainly changed but we continue to push the value of the family and how that bond is more important than anything else.

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By: theresemarie

theresemarie — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:23:32 +0000

If men are swimming in a sea of change as you suggest, then I say, I hope you won’t be hesitate to ask for a life preserver if you are drowning. As a career and leadership coach (and a recovering recruiter), I have been fortunate to build a successful business, and have held the position of primary income producer in both my current and former marriage. While there have been times that I have felt that women were not given the same advantages as men (in fact, my lower commission rate when employed by a large recruiting firm was testimony to that!) I have always been of the mind that if you are thrown an obstacle, work hard, and figure out how to overcome it. In my case, it’s not so much a gender thing as a matter of intestinal fortitude.

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By: FRM

FRM — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:33:07 +0000

Men are at Risk? They feel as if they are under attack? Pul-eez!! The only thing that makes certain men at risk is an unwillingness to be more fully ‘human’. This is not meant as criticism, but to say that we are ALL (male and female) born with innate human qualities- compassion, connection, emotion. Somewhere along the line, certain cultures decided it was inappropriate for their men to exhibit these qualities (is it any wonder that for many years, men were the primary sufferers of “heart” attacks?). The greatest martial artists know that “There is great strength in softnesss”, and one must yield in order to be powerful.

And Dan, I disagree with your statement “I can’t protect my wife from a Republican attacker or media assailant”. While it is true that you cannot control other people’s behavior, you can control your own. By being supportive of your wife, by listening to her and allowing her the space within which to address these incidents, you are providing shelter from the storm, or ‘protection’. And in this way, you are also being fully human, which is what Marianne Williamson espouses.

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By: Chris McB

Chris McB — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:53:58 +0000

We all have to find our place in the world to survive. Most of us have had to become someone other than we would ideally wanted to be to find that place. If as a man this has not previously been your experience, i guess you have male priviledge to thank. Welcome the real world. If you’re a man feeling under attack, without a place, please don’t take out your misplaced agression on the nearest woman.

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By: Robin

Robin — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:51:55 +0000

It seems like what we have is a balancing act. I read your column after seeing the Emmy’s last night. If you watch Emmy-winning “MadMen” you see a world that was incredibly male dominated, where a very talented woman has almost no standing amongst her male peers. I agree men & women might be trained differently, but shouldn’t we try to put the right people in the right positions? If we put the right people in the right places they will naturally lead or follow as is their talent, and isn’t that the best possible place?

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By: David Thomas

David Thomas — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:36:49 +0000

As we appropriatly move into a more Androgynous world let us embrace what works and not be so quick to embrace other culture’s flawed values. In most third world nations like China, India, and Afghanistan, we still see women treated as property, children exposed to toxic chemicals, and command and control totalitarian governments hding behind a thin veil of Democracy.

America does and will continue to lead the way. Our women step forward as true partners standing beside men. They are not in front of us and are no longer behind us. That is the message of positive progress that most here in America have come to recognize. Dan is right to point out all the additional dimensions that women have brought to our families and now bring to the workplace. They make us stronger. However, let’s not be so eager to jettison the Manifest Destiny of Andrew Jackson, and the rugged individualism of John Wayne. As a father, a Marine and a CEO I have tried to lead by example, carry my own weight, leave it better then I found it, give someone who is down a hand up not a handout. I have stressed the need for integrity, personal accountability, dependability, thrift and a Christian Faith. Sometimes my wife was right to be soft, sometimes I needed to be firm. America needs all of its people doing what is right. If we preserve these values we will never need to fear our assured place as a sure beacon of responsible International Leadership. Time Tested truths always win out and time will see more and more true Democracies joining us on that mountain top.

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By: Mick

Mick — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:30:31 +0000

Dan,

Understanding the need to reign in the ingrained desires to strike out when livelihood and survival are in jeopardy, does little to assuage the deeply-felt drives to provide and protect that are such a part of the human, and especially the male ego. Many men, myself included, were raised in the traditional system that taught us to judge our worth by how well we provide for our families and how well we can protect them from the elements, from attack, and from oblivion.

Knowing that collaboration, cooperation, and communication are fundamental attributes of the successful person in our current society does little to remove the urges arising from all those hours spent as a child learning and preparing to do battle with a hostile and uncertain world. Change is needed and it will happen, but it will take time to change, especially in a world that still holds dangers that may yet require us to test our mettle against aggression. It will take time to contain the drive to meet economic threats and even deprivation with that cold steel core which cries out to fight back with fists held high — fueled by anger and fear.

Reason calls for its day in the sun and I hope we are all strong enough to grant its ascendancy.

Mick

Time and Tradition

My mind says I should talk.
My gut says I should fight.
But can I walk the walk
On paths I know are right?
The games I played in youth:
Always rough and tumbled -
Taught winning was the truth.
That losers will be humbled
On the sporting battlefield –
Where young men must excel,
And only weaklings yield;
And winners get to tell
The world that they are best!
Traditions long in-bred,
Are difficult to wrest,
From out the heart and head.

And now my world has changed,
My world-view modified;
My mind-set rearranged;
My prejudice denied.
But, I will need some space,
Some time, and yes, some slack.
For, though change runs apace,
My training holds me back:
I still need to provide;
I still need to protect.
Deep feelings I can’t hide,
I’m certain to project.
I understand the needs,
To join the revolution,
But change will come at speeds
Of human evolution…

Mick McKellar
September 2009

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By: Gerald S.

Gerald S. — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:02:31 +0000

The problem is not socialism. The problem is between resposible capitalism and predatory capitalism. The US is a prime example of predatory capitalism. We only have to study our lust for other countries and their resources. That is why we are expanding our empire through wars and crimes against humanity.

Marianne Williamson does write great articles.

I have no problem with women being the breadwinner but women still want a man with money or position. They would not be happy bringing home the bacon alone.

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