At times, I swear I can hear terrible sounds of tearing and ripping as I slowly become a paradox: As I grow older I look and sound more like my father, simultaneously, my life experiences pull me further away from the tools and tactics he taught me for interacting with my world. Certain of his lessons are timeless: trust in truth and integrity, treat others fairly, take responsibility to clean up your own messes, love and protect your family — because they are inextricably part of you.

However, many of the male-centric attitudes he espoused were echoes of his own upbringing and those messages still permeate my thoughts. I was always “the man of the house,” when my folks left me in charge of my siblings (I was the oldest). My dad was big on stoicism — men don’t cry or whine, they “suck it up” and work though problems — asking for help is a sign of weakness. And there was his favorite: “There are three ways to do things — the right way, the wrong way, and MY way. In MY house, you will do it MY way.” I tried that one on my wife right after we were married. She set me straight very quickly — tough lesson number one.

My mother taught me to listen to my heart, and through writing, to learn from to its wisdom. Out of work and no longer the undefeated breadwinner of our family, the lessons of my heart have kept me sane as I deal with old messages in my head. I am finally learning to “roll with the punches.”

John Lennon said: “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” Here, I believe is the great falacy for those who tell us that everything is about our choices. Here is the difference between hardship and tragedy. Sometimes, I am not responsible for what happens, and sometimes there is nothing I can do to fix a problem. Once I can accept that I am a traveler on the journey, just like other men and women — I understand that seeking the best way to apply my talents to make the journey a success is what leadership is all about.

It’s not about being large and in charge — it’s about showing others a viable path and helping them along the way — and about a willingness to listen to others who may have a better view of the road ahead. I am becoming a paradox, and perhaps it is what I was meant to be. Perhaps the future can only be built of paradox and transition…for that is the “stuff” of change.

Mick

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