Dec

18

In TIME the Person of the Year Is . .

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Friends,

If you haven’t heard the word yet, TIME Magazine has named its “Person of the Year”. It is: YOU. Their thinking is that 2006 was a huge year in the information age, where you — for example through YouTube — have the ability to get yourself into the marketplace of ideas. Well, with time comes synchronicity — the seeming coincidence of events. And the synchronicity of this moment? Beginning today RFL becomes a blog.

In March of 2000, I was running a small business and had a love for ideas when I began “self-publishing” this column to a handful of friends and clients. Now, I invite you as an everyday leader to consider contributing to this discussion on leadership. At the bottom of today’s RFL you will see a “comment” link, which will allow you not only to do reading, but also to do Writing for Leading. For years I have had the benefit of wonderful responses you have sent to me. Now these comments can be made more publicly and edify, inspire and stimulate others as well as me to lead with our best selves.

So since we’re all the persons of the year, I welcome you to this new opportunity to write and read and

Lead with your best self,

Dan

Oct

23

Should You Say “Amen”? Or “No Way Man!”?

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Friends,

I got some great Amens from last week’s RFL. You’ll remember I was writing about how followers can bring out the best in leaders by giving them an occasional Amen or a nice job. One reader put an exclamation point on it, while another raised a valid concern.

The first wrote about encouragement and said, Truly, it’s lonely at the top. When you report to someone a partner, principal, department head, CEO, coach or parent: you generally get some feedback and hopefully some praise. But you have to adjust when you become managing partner, school superintendent, CEO, or parent because now you look up the hierarchy but there’s no one there. You’ve lost the boss to encourage and often lost the peers with whom you could joke, commiserate, or get a friendly, Amen to that, brother. This person argued that managers truly need the Amens that we unthinkingly withhold from them. To reinforce the point from last week: It’s easy to forget that the manager doesn’t stop being human, and that humans never stop needing encouragement.

A second reader recoiled at the idea that leaders needed more encouragement. He suggested that a bigger problem than unappreciated leaders is unchecked leaders. And so he asked: Would someone disagreeing with a minister be shouted-down by the rest of the congregation? Would the minister even be able to hear them? Well, I can think of one solitary time in 48 years of church-going that I ever saw a preacher publicly challenged, so I suppose that answers his questions! On the other hand, many ministers I have known do receive considerable amounts of advice, feedback, pushback, blowback, etc., outside the actual service. But the more interesting point is not the church, per se, but the general problem that authority is, as this reader suggested, often not challenged, even when it needs to be. Clearly, there are times when some in authority are not hearing, not seeking to hear, and not even remotely aware of what their followers are thinking.

The reader was dead right: encouragement alone especially with toxic or despotic authorities may not improve their management.

But consider this: encouragement and specific constructive feedback are not an either/or proposition. The very same authority figures that could use some positive encouragement in some aspects of their leadership, probably also could use some honest feedback in other domains of their leadership. Take an example from child-rearing. Could you raise a child well with only positive encouragement, or only brutal honesty about how they are performing? Of course not. They and we need both. The more genuine support we receive and the more objective-constructive feedback we receive, the more we will improve as leaders.

It takes kindness and courage to offer both types of advice to your boss, and thus…

Lead with your best self,

Dan

May

1

May I have your attention?

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Friends,

My wife has declared this week “State Employee Recognition Week.” Her request is that those inside and outside state government recognize the thousands of people who work on our roads and bridges, care for our foster care children, protect us from criminals, tend to the mentally ill, and work in hundreds of other ways to promote our quality of life. So, a few thoughts on recognition seem in order.

Recognition energizes people, whether they are employees, peers, volunteers, children, or even spouses. Now, here’s the challenge. Who hasn’t noticed that “familiarity breeds contempt,” or to be more kind, and more accurate: “familiarity breeds inattention?” In other words, when someone is often kind or smart or graceful, or tough or ignorant or dull; well, we just expect that from them. We assign them to those boxes in our minds: She’s smart. He’s tedious. She’s a hard worker. And that’s about it. Unless they do something wildly outside our expectations, their behavior routinely fulfills our historic expectations. We hardly notice them or their behavior.

This familiarity creates problems with our great folks, because we take them for granted, and fail to see their excellence. Familiarity also creates a problem with our challenging folks, because we continually expect them to mess up and don’t even see when they are marginally improving. Think about that last point. I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the stuff that matters to me these days: getting better as a dad, husband, leader, writer, son, guitar player, or runner, the vast majority of my improvement is just that: marginal. It’s darned hard to see where I’m getting better. Hard even for me to notice improvement. And especially hard for someone outside (who’s put me in their perceptual boxes) to see that change.

So, here’s the point: To be good at recognition, you’ve got to pay attention! You can’t say it to them, if you don’t see it from them. With your good folks, you gotta wake yourself up and say, “Hey, I haven’t told you this in a while, but you are awesome.” Most of us “recognize talent” when we hire someone, but then we soon take them for granted. We cease to recognize just how extraordinary they may be. And better than that general recognition, pay very specific attention. Perhaps the most valuable specific recognition comes when you are paying attention to and speaking about something they are working on. It is such a powerful motivator when I am working at something that doesn’t come naturally and someone says, “Wow, you’re really getting good at that.” That makes me want to get right in and work harder at it.

So, today re-cognize someone, literally: See them again, as for the first time. And pay close attention to their specific efforts to excel, so you can…

Lead with your best self.
Dan

Apr

24

04-24 Scared Witless

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Friends,
About 10 years ago I got the chance to go to Outward Bound in Leadville, Colorado.  They invited us to put on a harness, trust one of our colleagues to belay us with a safety rope, and climb a 100 foot sheer wall of rock.  It was a chilly fall morning, and my body was shaking €“ partly from the cold but mostly from extreme anxiety.  I decided to watch the others for a while; I cheered, I laughed, I nearly wet my pants.  And, I took my turn.

With my heart pumping right out of my chest, I climbed.  Now, sometime after my tree-climbing kid days I had become really fearful about heights, especially when I could look straight down, over an edge.  I was hoping this experience in Colorado would destroy that fear.  And so, about 25 feet up the rock face, I took a deep breath and forced myself to look down, fully hoping the terror would be chased away by my climb.  And guess what?  . . . It wasn’t.  Instead, a wave of fear rushed through me, raising goose bumps on every inch of my skin.  If I hadn’t been wearing a safety helmet, my hair would have looked like Don King’s.

In that instant, I realized one of the biggest lessons I have ever learned in life:  sometimes you are scared €“ shall I say scared witless – but you climb anyway, with the fear right there with you.  The fear is there.  You climb anyway.  Maybe you face some fear like this when you fly, speak publicly, challenge authority, ask someone to go on a date or to donate money.  You’re scared, but you climb anyway!

With my companion, fear, I climbed and reached the top.  My colleagues slowly let the slack out of the safety rope as I pushed back off the wall and they brought me back down to the ground.  My muscles were twitching.  My heart was still racing.  And the climbing instructor said, Great job.  How would you like to try it again . . .blindfolded?  She wasn’t kidding.  I rushed off to find a bathroom!  I came back and let them tie a bandana across my eyes, lead me up to the rock, and I climbed again.

A second remarkable thing happened to me that day:  the marvelous thought appeared, I’m climbing, and it kept surpassing the fears of slipping, falling, and the anxiety about all I could not see.  I felt terror, but again, I knew, I just had to stay at it.  The joy of doing what needed to be done simply surpassed the fear.

There is plenty to fear in our world.  A struggling economy, downsizing and outsourcing, school testing, aging, and raising teenagers!  Individually and collectively, we wonder if we can scale the rock. We fear failure, falling, and pain.  Last week, as I wrote a commencement speech, I was reflecting on this rock-climbing experience, and one detail stuck out so vividly.  It is that which I want to share and close with: In times of challenge how wonderful to have a mentor!  That instructor asked, How would you like to try it again . . . blindfolded?  Now, do you think I would have EVER come up with such an insane idea on my own, something so preposterous, so far beyond my imagination, let alone my ability or belief?  Absolutely, no way.  She led me to a place I never could have gone on my own.

As you take on the routine challenges of rock-climbing in your world, do you have someone who invites you to climb blindfolded?  Who will watch, encourage, teach, but especially challenge you to stretch beyond what you imagine or think possible?  Sometimes mentors appear out of the blue, as that guide did.  But I’d advise you to seek such a mentor, if you really want to

Lead with your best self,
Dan

Apr

24

Climb Anyway

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Friends,

About 10 years ago I got the chance to go to Outward Bound in Leadville, Colorado. They invited us to put on a harness, trust one of our colleagues to relay us with a safety rope, and climb a 100 foot sheer wall of rock. It was a chilly fall morning, and my body was shaking €“ partly from the cold but mostly from extreme anxiety. I decided to watch the others for a while; I cheered, I laughed, I nearly wet my pants. And, I took my turn.

With my heart pumping right out of my chest, I climbed. Now, sometime after my tree-climbing kid days I had become really fearful about heights, especially when I could look straight down, over an edge. I was hoping this experience in Colorado would destroy that fear. And so, about 25 feet up the rock face, I took a deep breath and forced myself to look down, fully hoping the terror would be chased away by my climb. And guess what? . . . It wasn’t. Instead, a wave of fear rushed through me, raising goose bumps on every inch of my skin. If I hadn’t been wearing a safety helmet, my hair would have looked like Don King’s.

In that instant, I realized one of the biggest lessons I have ever learned in life: sometimes you are scared €“ shall I say scared witless – but you climb anyway, with the fear right there with you. The fear is there. You climb anyway. Maybe you face some fear like this when you fly, speak publicly, challenge authority, ask someone to go on a date or to donate money. Your’re scared, but you climb anyway!

With my companion, fear, I climbed and reached the top. My colleagues slowly let the slack out of the safety rope as I pushed back off the wall and they brought me back down to the ground. My muscles were twitching. My heart was still racing. And the climbing instructor said, Great job. How would you like to try it again . . . blindfolded? She wasn’t kidding. I rushed off to find a bathroom! I came back and let them tie a bandana across my eyes, lead me up to the rock, and I climbed again.

A second remarkable thing happened to me that day: the marvelous thought appeared, I’m climbing, and it kept surpassing the fears of slipping, falling, and the anxiety about all I could not see. I felt terror, but again, I knew, I just had to stay at it. The joy of doing what needed to be done simply surpassed the fear.

There is plenty to fear in our world. A struggling economy, downsizing and outsourcing, school testing, aging, and raising teenagers! Individually and collectively, we wonder if we can scale the rock. We fear failure, falling, and pain. Last week, as I wrote a commencement speech, I was reflecting on this rock-climbing experience, and one detail stuck out so vividly. It is that which I want to share and close with: In times of challenge how wonderful to have a mentor! That instructor asked, How would you like to try it again . . . blindfolded? Now, do you think I would have EVER come up with such an insane idea on my own, something so preposterous, so far beyond my imagination, let alone my ability or belief? Absolutely, no way. She led me to a place I never could have gone on my own.

As you take on the routine challenges of rock-climbing in your world, do you have someone who invites you to climb blindfolded? Who will watch, encourage, teach, but especially challenge you to stretch beyond what you imagine or think possible? Sometimes mentors appear out of the blue, as that guide did. But I’d advise you to seek such a mentor, if you really want to

Lead with your best self,

Dan

Apr

24

Scared Witless

Filed Under Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Friends,

About 10 years ago I got the chance to go to Outward Bound in Leadville, Colorado. They invited us to put on a harness, trust one of our colleagues to relay us with a safety rope, and climb a 100 foot sheer wall of rock. It was a chilly fall morning, and my body was shaking €“ partly from the cold but mostly from extreme anxiety. I decided to watch the others for a while; I cheered, I laughed, I nearly wet my pants. And, I took my turn.

With my heart pumping right out of my chest, I climbed. Now, sometime after my tree-climbing kid days I had become really fearful about heights, especially when I could look straight down, over an edge. I was hoping this experience in Colorado would destroy that fear. And so, about 25 feet up the rock face, I took a deep breath and forced myself to look down, fully hoping the terror would be chased away by my climb. And guess what? . . . It wasn’t. Instead, a wave of fear rushed through me, raising goose bumps on every inch of my skin. If I hadn’t been wearing a safety helmet, my hair would have looked like Don King’s.

In that instant, I realized one of the biggest lessons I have ever learned in life: sometimes you are scared €“ shall I say scared witless – but you climb anyway, with the fear right there with you. The fear is there. You climb anyway. Maybe you face some fear like this when you fly, speak publicly, challenge authority, ask someone to go on a date or to donate money. You’re scared, but you climb anyway!

With my companion, fear, I climbed and reached the top. My colleagues slowly let the slack out of the safety rope as I pushed back off the wall and they brought me back down to the ground. My muscles were twitching. My heart was still racing. And the climbing instructor said, Great job. How would you like to try it again . . . blindfolded? She wasn’t kidding. I rushed off to find a bathroom! I came back and let them tie a bandana across my eyes, lead me up to the rock, and I climbed again.

A second remarkable thing happened to me that day: the marvelous thought appeared, I’m climbing, and it kept surpassing the fears of slipping, falling, and the anxiety about all I could not see. I felt terror, but again, I knew, I just had to stay at it. The joy of doing what needed to be done simply surpassed the fear.

There is plenty to fear in our world. A struggling economy, downsizing and outsourcing, school testing, aging, and raising teenagers! Individually and collectively, we wonder if we can scale the rock. We fear failure, falling, and pain. Last week, as I wrote a commencement speech, I was reflecting on this rock-climbing experience, and one detail stuck out so vividly. It is that which I want to share and close with: In times of challenge how wonderful to have a mentor! That instructor asked, How would you like to try it again . . . blindfolded? Now, do you think I would have EVER come up with such an insane idea on my own, something so preposterous, so far beyond my imagination, let alone my ability or belief? Absolutely, no way. She led me to a place I never could have gone on my own.

As you take on the routine challenges of rock-climbing in your world, do you have someone who invites you to climb blindfolded? Who will watch, encourage, teach, but especially challenge you to stretch beyond what you imagine or think possible? Sometimes mentors appear out of the blue, as that guide did. But I’d advise you to seek such a mentor, if you really want to

Lead with your best self,

Dan

Apr

17

Can it be good to be wrong?

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Friends,

I am getting pretty good at being wrong. I want to tell you about one such experience.

When my wife was elected, I came to volunteer in the effort to make the State of Michigan a “great place to do great work,” i.e., creating workplaces that are satisfying for employees and productive for our citizens. We asked lots of employees what they thought were key strategies, and frequently people said: Managers and supervisors need better feedback, so it would be great if we had a “360 measurement” tool to give them anonymous feedback on their leadership behaviors. I was glad to hear this. I thought they were totally right. So we went to work on creating a tool. But I quickly ran into a major difference with Nancy Foltz, the director of the “great work place” effort and with her team assigned to develop the tool. I wanted: quick and simple. They wanted: credible and enduring. I told them I wanted that, too. But they insisted we could not achieve a credible and enduring feedback system without seeking deep and wide input from our customers who would be using it. I wasn’t happy, but I acceded. I could see this: They were closer to the clients. They knew the culture better. They would have to live with the tool and with the customers. And besides, they were totally willing to do all the hard work their philosophical position required.

They tapped the departments – our customers – to build different constituent teams, who could think through issues like communications, statistical reliability, technology, and training. They involved all 18 departments – as different as the Department of Corrections is from History Arts and Libraries – and brought literally hundreds of people into an organized process to ensure the excellence of the tool and the training to implement it with 50,000 employees. Process charts listed hundreds of potential snags, and the constituent teams worked through every one of them.

The 360 was launched. Even with the incredible planning and buy-in, the system nearly crashed in one department – frustrating a handful of key people, including – yikes! – a cabinet secretary. We had to take it down for a 3-week hiatus to work out the bugs. The technology team met, “patched” the system, we crossed our fingers, and it rolled! And rolled. Now, the vast majority of our 6,000-some state managers have received 360 feedback – an extraordinary, unprecedented asset and opportunity for them to learn to lead better.

Boy, am I glad I lost that initial argument and that Nancy and her team stood up to me. I probably could have “pulled rank,” insisted on speed, told them they were too bureaucratic, too process-oriented, etc. What a dis-service that would have been. Their sense of excellence and inclusiveness paid huge dividends. Both in terms of the product and in terms of the critical buy-in from departments, they solved a thousand problems that I would have created with an order to “Damn the torpedoes – full speed ahead.”

One of the great joys of leading a good team is that you can be wrong sometimes. Really wrong. But they can be really right. And when you have developed a great team, you get spared – and more importantly, the people you lead get spared – the pain of seeing just how wrong you are. Being able to be wrong is one way to

Lead with your best self,

Dan

Apr

10

Are really great leaders really so great?

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Friends,

Our sixteen year old daughter was invited to give a speech to a youth leadership group this past weekend. The youth planners thought it would be good to hear from a peer, so they invited Kate. She practiced her points with me in the car on the way to Midland, but she was stuck on how to begin. I explained to her one of the first principles I learned about public speaking: establish common ground with your audience.

I told her, “You are going to be introduced as a varsity athlete, national honor society member, etc., and you are the governor’s daughter. They are going to think you are a big deal, or think you think you’re a big deal; and they may be intimidated or jealous or just not feel like they can relate to you, so it’s important that you somehow let them know you are real.” She drew from this ideas that it would be okay to share with them that she was really nervous, and she decided to tell them that usually when she is nervous she likes to joke around, but she wasn’t sure how this would work out since it was a serious topic. I affirmed her approach, saying that to be honest, humble, and a little self-effacing was a great way to connect. And she did it. She was genuine, and to her dad’s view, sweetly silly; and the audience seemed to appreciate her honesty. She connected with them.

What a great lesson for her: the leader doesn’t have to know everything. Indeed, the leader gains more credibility by being real than by being – what he or she thinks is – perfect and in control. Would that we could all remember that lesson as adults! Get real. Laugh at yourself a little.

In the Christian tradition, we have begun the week of the passion of Jesus, culminating on Easter morning. No matter your views of religion and belief, you can’t argue with the fact that Jesus offers a fascinating example of a grassroots leader, whose impact was and is vast. When I was preparing for a talk at a church a few weeks back I was re-reading the New Testament. With my leadership lens never far away, the following passage caught my attention, less as Christian dogma, than as fascinating leadership thought. As I listened to my daughter this weekend, I could hear a pleasant echo to the style of leadership that Jesus was impressing upon his followers. Whether you are Christian or not, you might well appreciate the philosophy Jesus offered:

“Jesus summoned them and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.’” (Matthew 20: 25-28)

I know I am drawn in my role – and with my ego – to think it’s about me, my importance, my ideas, my success, my advancement. I appreciate the reminders that it is about them not me, and about our common humanity and common struggles, not my uncommon greatness. For, ironically, it is by being honest and human and humble that you…

Lead with your best self,

Dan

Apr

3

Leading up – when you’re being micromanaged

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Friends,

Last week I addressed RFL to the micro-manager that lurks within each of us. I offered some suggestions to help managers bring out their employees’ best through expecting good things, listening, and seeking win-win approaches. I promised I would write this week through the eyes of the frustrated person who feels micromanaged in their work. Is there anything they can do to lead their boss to a more productive approach?

I suggested last week, that managers should not kid themselves with either of these thoughts: (a) “I never micromanage,” because almost all of us do it, or (b) the “only reason I manage so tightly is because my employees just can’t do it right.” Such denials and self-fulfilling prophecies keep bosses from seeking ways that they can bring more out of their workers. Looking “up” at the micromanager also easily brings its self deceptions. For instance, we tell ourselves that our boss knows how impossible and annoying he is being, or darn it, if he doesn’t know, he should! Such statements are convenient, for they take us off the hook. In fact, it’s possible that a manager – especially a fairly young one, or one in a bureaucratic or fear-oriented culture – has never been told how stifling his or her behavior is. Most likely, they have some sense of it in general. They know they’re a bit “anal,” or they’ve learned through Myers-Briggs or other personality inventories, or through 360s, that they have this tendency to over-steer. But it is one thing to know one has a tendency to do something, and completely another to be aware of the frequency of this behavior, or see its regular occurrences. So, step one is to be open to the realities of human nature: people often don’t realize how their behavior negatively affects others. And, of course, if we don’t tell them, how can we expect they’ll get better with it?

Now, I hear you saying, “Yes, and knowing human reality also means that nobody likes to be criticized, so if we tell the emperor he’s wearing his birthday suit, he’s likely to fight back — to shoot the messenger!” Yes. There is risk. It’s that simple. Leadership – asking people to be better, to do more, to change their habits – always involves risk. And “leading up” means you don’t have the formal authority. So, how do you minimize the risk? Here’s an approach for your consideration.

First, as in all good leadership, share a vision. Describe a world that your follower – in this case your boss – would likely wish to pursue. So, you say, “George, I really think our team could produce much better for you than we are now. And I think I could do more and better for you. I think we have more talent than we’re tapping. I have some thoughts on how we can do better in our division.” You are doing two things here: painting a picture, a vision; and, you are thinking through your boss’ eyes. How can he not be curious? How can he not want to know? You wait, until he inevitably, in some form or fashion says, “You have an idea? Tell me.”

Then you have to do something hard: you have to be willing to give feedback. And just your own feedback. You’re going to want to be like Maxwell Smart in the old TV sitcom Get Smart, when he’d say, “Go ahead and tie me up; you won’t get away with it, because the entire Los Angeles police department has this building surrounded.” And of course, when his enemies in C.H.A.O.S expressed disbelief, he would finally fall back to something like, “Would you believe there are two black-belt Karate-trained grannies outside wielding automatic umbrellas?” Speaking for others won’t work: it may intimidate the boss, it may compromise your relationships with your colleagues, and you may not get their feedback right. Instead, you have to let your reinforcements go. You have to speak for your own self. Period. So, you say, “Sir, may I give you some feedback from my own experience here?” This usually gets a cautious “of course.” And then you say, “Last week, when I was working on X, you got very involved in the details of the work. You may well be able to do my job better than I do, sir, but there are hidden costs to it. And I trust you enough to be honest about that.” Then share some of the cost: “Instead of just me spending 5 hours on it, we both ended up spending 5 hours.” Or, “I have a hard time attacking the job, when I think you are going to rethink or rewrite what I have done. I find myself second-guessing my work and the quality and efficiency suffer.” Or, “When you don’t give me the authority to negotiate, then the other side doesn’t take the negotiation seriously, and then you’ll end up having to do it all, in which case I’m not generating value for you.” Notice that each tries to describe behavior, and describe a cost.

Then just stop and listen. You merely want to give feedback. You don’t want to win! (See last week’s on win-lose and either-or.) You merely want your boss to think about the full consequences. If you are trying to make him wrong, I guarantee he will NOT hear. If he is mature enough to ask for more, then great; give more of your perspective, thoughts, ideas, suggestions. If instead he seems to shut down, thank him for listening; perhaps he’s getting it, but it’s hard to admit it. Perhaps he needs to think about it more. Perhaps he’ll tell you later that it helped, or maybe it will help but he’ll never say so. If on the other hand, he attacks, you probably want to cut your losses. If you sense he is getting defensive – or worse, offensive in response, thank him for letting you offer the feedback. You may now have a lot to think about; your worst expectations are confirmed. But isn’t it better to test reality, than to be confined by what may not be real?

The upside possibility is that you may run into a manager who really wants to learn and wants you to be your best. You may have begun a really productive dialogue from which you can learn and your boss, too, can improve. Great things can happen then. In any case,

It takes some courage to …

Lead with your best self,
Dan

Mar

27

A worker’s complaint, a manager’s great opportunity

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Friends,

One of the most frequent issues raised by readers is this: “What can you do about a boss who thinks his ideas are the best, who continues to act like a technician instead of a manager, who wants to micromanage every issue and solve every problem; a manager who is thus choking off initiative, creativity, candor, and teamwork?” These readers resonate with a fellow I wrote about who quit his job because he was told “we don’t pay you to think.” These workers are frustrated and are convinced that their employers are not getting anything near their best value. Today, I want to address this problem from the perspective of such a manager, and next week, I will write about it from the perspective of the person being managed.

Are you such a manager? Few would admit it. But, perhaps it’s misleading to think that you are or aren’t a controlling manager. Yes-no. True-false. Good-evil. For the fact is that at different times in our careers, and under different circumstances, nearly all of us will act to over-control people and work. I know that under different circumstances for me – e.g., when I’m not feeling well, or am agitated or frustrated – I will be much more controlling than at other times. So my first suggestion to every manager, parent, teacher, coach, or other person in charge is this: question your assumption that you don’t over-control, and assume for a moment that this message applies to you. For the truth is this: it’s baked into the system of authority that people will not feel like they can tell you! Few cultures allow an employee or a player or a child to say: “Get off my back! Let me think. Let me make a mistake once in a while. For Pete’s sake, will you listen?” When they do so, it’s in sheer frustration, and generally doesn’t lead to a happy outcome for anyone.

So, you have to keep asking yourself: Am I managing these people, or am I putting manacles on these people? And if, or when, you are not sure if you are over-managing, take this very simple step: start to ask them! “Hey, do you feel like I am giving you the freedom and support to control your work and contribute to the team?” And listen to the answer.

Such openness will lead directly into this discipline to help you get the most out of your people: Encourage your own belief that there is not a single right way, and that you are not uniquely possessed of that right way. Get open to others! This has two powerful implications. First, the most important thing you can do to generate great energy and ideas, is to believe that people have those insights. This means checking your normal, human tendency to think that you understand it best and understand it all, and it means checking your skeptical view of your workers. If you think your workers aren’t as smart as you, don’t care about the work, can’t possibly see all that you see, etc., then . . . well . . . they won’t. If you can’t see it, they won’t be it. Your first job is to believe in them. And if your arrogance or pride – we all have a little of that – or your insecurity – we all have that, too – are inflating you, then you can bet you are deflating them. If you’re not expecting their contribution, input, ideas, and candor, then pretty soon they’ll stop generating them. How much DO YOU believe in your people’s ability and value?

Questioning whether you know “the right way” will lead you away from an either-or world into a both-and world. Very seldom is the coach or parent or manager totally in the right, and the player, child, or worker totally in the wrong. Instead, there are different perspectives and different truths. Here is the most powerful thing an authority figure can due to build their credibility and to fuel their team’s energy and activity: simply hear, think about, and clearly acknowledge their ideas and contributions. Verbalize it back to them! “So what you’re saying is . . . ?”

Verbalize their ideas in the most clear and favorable way you can – not to get ready to prove them wrong, but to understand what they’ve got right. That will help you give it honest thought, and see the value and see their value. Then they will feel listened to. Such listening will also inevitably change the situation from an either-or, right-wrong, to a both-and where you can say, “I see what you’re getting at; is there a way we can achieve what you are after?” Get them, then, to help you achieve what you are after, instead of telling them, “No. We can’t do that. We have to do it my way.”

In summary, I suspect that we can all get short-term results and generate long-term energy and enthusiasm from our teams if we commit to continually breaking out of a boss-knows-best mode of thinking. Question yourself. Hear them. Articulate their views out loud. And engage them in the search for win-win. Doing these things could dramatically improve the quality of work of your team. Let go of that little Wizard of Oz in you, that needs to be right and in control, and instead…

Lead and learn with your best self

Dan

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